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2005
Pujols Causes Panic With Claim of Falling Sky
By Amanda
ST. LOUIS, MO -- Minor panic erupted in the Cardinals' clubhouse this afternoon when first baseman Albert Pujols ran into the room hysterically screaming that the sky was falling.
Little Albie, as he's popularly called, told his teammates that he'd heard the sound of something shattering and had felt things falling on his head. Ol' Bert, the facilities manager, was called to inspect the overhead lights, but the lights were in working order. He then checked the windows, but found them intact. He even checked the television, but there was no evidence of anything having broken. That's when Ol' Bert remembered the high post-season hopes.
“I checked 'em out, and sure 'nuff, they were caving in faster'n you can say 'early-season aberration',” said Ol' Bert.
With the mystery solved, calm returned to the clubhouse and the Cardinals went back to preparing to get trounced by the Reds.
I know I said the sky was falling, but I was 99% kidding. And yeah, we’ve been made fun of before. Nuthin’ doin’, RHM. Which is exactly what will happen to the Reds tonight. Every top half of every inning: nuthin’ doin’.
June 28th, 2005 at 4:27 pm
"And yeah, we’ve been made fun of before."
Ah, it’s funny because it’s true.
UPDATE: Almost forgot to mention that all this sass is x-posted at [url=http://bellyitcher.blogspot.com/2005/06/no-pickles.html]Bellyitcher[/url]
June 28th, 2005 at 5:04 pm
Eh, you’re all just jealous.
June 28th, 2005 at 5:09 pm
We’ll see who’s jealous after the game.
June 28th, 2005 at 5:16 pm
Well, let’s see. Even if by some miracle the Reds do win tonight, that’ll be what? 8 road wins?
June 28th, 2005 at 5:20 pm
That’s right: lucky number 7. Soon to be 9.
Golly, shoulda played Taguchi in center tonight it looks like.
June 28th, 2005 at 5:25 pm
Watch out, National League, Albert’s wearing the black t-shirt again.
June 28th, 2005 at 5:34 pm
Reggie!
June 28th, 2005 at 5:37 pm
Yeah, that former Red of yours can hit!
June 28th, 2005 at 5:45 pm
Looky! 3 ground ball outs! In a row!!
And the key there is "former."
June 28th, 2005 at 5:47 pm
How sweet! Yadi’s got peach fuzz!
June 28th, 2005 at 5:49 pm
…AND he almost made it to second. He’s growing right up.
P.S. – Your comments are hosed. Forgive me if I don’t get all my comments up there.
June 28th, 2005 at 5:52 pm
I’ll be back in a few…gotta reboot the computer.
June 28th, 2005 at 5:53 pm
Yeah, haloscan is sucking today.
I have no idea why Yadi was running. I love the kid, but he is slooooow. Have a seat, Mr. Pena.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:03 pm
I cannot fathom why Wily Mo is hitting before Dunn. And we see how well it’s worked out so far tonight.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:05 pm
Oh, Jimmy.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:09 pm
Dunn is out twice. Mulder taking baby steps.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:14 pm
*Really* baby steps–they weren’t even strike-outs.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:16 pm
I’ll take what I can get.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:25 pm
All right, pickle man!
What a lackluster game. It must be too hot for them to do anything noteworthy.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:25 pm
I’d say something about a pitchers’ duel, but the Cards are going to score some serious runs in the bottom of this inning.
And it’s very hot there. Have a seat, Mr. Casey.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:31 pm
My smack talk seems to be sub-par. Perhaps a beer will help that.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:33 pm
Hear, hear.
Say, when was the last time La Russa updated his hairstyle? 1979?
June 28th, 2005 at 6:38 pm
When you’re the fourth winning-est manager in MLB history, you stick with what works.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:42 pm
Holy crap, Peña CAN make contact.
Good things are happening; I can just feel it.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:43 pm
Last time I trust that feeling…
June 28th, 2005 at 6:46 pm
Ah, you were right. That was very good. Reds strand a runner at third.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:47 pm
Have they ever mic’d Casey over at first? Those would be hilarious conversations.
June 28th, 2005 at 6:54 pm
Yes, and the conversations aren’t as good as you’d like to think. A lot of "how’s the wife and kids? See the new Vin Diesel move?" kind of stuff.
Of course, maybe that was just a show for the mic. Maybe when no one’s watching he’s over there talking about what he was doing with the runner’s wife the night before. Man, that would be surprising!
June 28th, 2005 at 6:58 pm
Oh, wow, that’s boring. I’m sure it’s saucier without the microphone. At least I hope, otherwise Casey is the dullest person on the planet.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:02 pm
We prefer to think of him as "nice."
Wow, Mulder lasted MUCH longer this time.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:04 pm
Jeepers creepers, I think that Chris and George are ready to start the Eckstein fan club.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:06 pm
Mulder did well. I am pleased with this outing. Now he needs to build on it.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:07 pm
"…the Eckstein fan club."
All are welcome-even with that last throw. Most doubters have been converted.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:09 pm
YADIER MOLINA!
You may sing his praises now.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:11 pm
Alternately, you may sing the luck of the bad call.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:13 pm
Yadi is a cutie, though. If we didn’t already have two catcher that I have extreme affection for, I’d covet him.
I got a search hit this week for someone trying to find out if he’s married. I assume that at the ripe old age of 15 he’s not?
June 28th, 2005 at 7:16 pm
Or, you can wonder why someone would be far enough off base with Yadi behind the plate to make it a close call.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:16 pm
Forget who’s behind the plate: how about why he was so far off the base when he wasn’t even the lead runner.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:18 pm
That’s why he is a Red instead of on a winning team.
Yadi is 22 (turns 23 during the season) and I don’t believe he is married.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:21 pm
Quick! Before he goes all the Reds should go sit on Ray King.
And Aurilia isn’t likely to be a Red much longer, I’m afraid. I wish he were doing better; he’s damaging his trade value.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:23 pm
Weird. I don’t know what that kind of thinking feels like. Is it depressing? Or just kind of numbing?
June 28th, 2005 at 7:26 pm
Just like I’ve never had to watch a total choke in the World Series. Just goes to show…something about walking in another man’s shoes. Or something.
In general, I don’t know anything else, so I can’t really tell you what it feels like. Normal is what it feels like to me. In the particular case of Aurilia, it’s not too bad. It’s Randa that I’m going to miss.
I just have to enjoy this time I have with them now, I reckon.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:30 pm
But playing spoiler is pretty sweet. Taking the Cubs out of the WC race last year was a sadistic joy to be sure.
I wonder what the mathematical chances are of the Reds playing into the Cards postseason hopes in that last series of the season.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:32 pm
Ah, yes, the World Series. The last refuge of anyone trying to dis the Cardinals.
How much is Randa making? The St. Louis guys mentioned the Reds might cut payroll next year.
While anything is possible, I think the Cardinals post-season plans will be decided before that last series of the season.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:36 pm
You call it a "last refuge"; I call it a "defining moment in the character of the Cardinals." Six of one, half dozen of the other.
Randa’s making $2.15 mil. I haven’t heard whether they’re going to cut payroll, but Randa’s definitely gone this year.
Sigh. So close, Dunner.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:42 pm
Pinch-hitting with Javy! My day has been made.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:43 pm
And Izzy’s pitching around him! Even better.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:44 pm
Izzy, Izzy, Izzy.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:45 pm
Ah well, what’s one more loss in the scheme of things? The "scheme of things" being the horrific beat down your boys are getting tomorrow.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:50 pm
Whew. Cards were out hit, but get the 2-1 win. Decent start from Mulder, to boot.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:50 pm
Speaking of tomorrow, I might be late. Our Special O team is playing.
Of course, we had torrential downpours today, so the field might be too mucky to play.
Either way, there are no lights at our field, so we’ll have to wrap up before nightfall so I ought to make it back for the last part of the game if nothing else.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:54 pm
The only beating the Reds will be doing is beating their heads against the clubhouse wall after they make several errors and give up home runs to Eckstein and Morris.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:54 pm
Perhaps it’s best you miss the beginning of tomorrow’s game. You won’t have to witness the ugliness of the many, many Reds miscues.
Regardless, good luck with your softball team.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:56 pm
Yeah, like the dropped ball in center field. Oh, that was Edmonds.
And thanks.
June 28th, 2005 at 8:00 pm
Ahem. Who won?
June 28th, 2005 at 8:02 pm
You numbers people and your obsession with "wins."
June 28th, 2005 at 8:08 pm