March 6, 2006

Ooh, Cubs are Sensitive

So, yesterday I was looking to expand my horizons a little bit. Smack talking with bellyscratcher about those unfortunate St. Louis Cardinals has provided me great fun, a great reason to learn up on the Cards, and a great friend. I thought it couldn't do any harm to head over to Cubs-land and see how they responded to a little innocent jabbing.

No kidding, all I said on Goat Riders of the Apocolypse was:

What a coincidence: the Reds' backup catcher is a Latino Lover, too. More specifically, a Latin Love Machine.

I'm concerned about Prior. If he doesn't start the second game, whom will the Reds beat up on?

And that apparently garnered FOUR paragraphs dedicated to me in today's post:

Yesterday in the comments section, someone by the name of Red Hot Mama decided it was an appropriate time to lay down the smack, dissing the Cubs in favor of her beloved Reds team. RHM, let me just say this: The Cubs have gone 24-22 against the Reds in the last three years. I have to admit, that's pretty distressing since the Cubs have been way better than the Reds. It's actually kind of heart breaking to see that Chicago only has a two game advantage on Cincinnati in the last few years. True, the Reds sunk the Cubs in 2004, and dealt a few crushing blows in 2005. Actually, that's not fair. The Cubs sunk the Cubs. They just used the Reds-by-proxy.

It may be true that the statistically greatest Cub is a cheat, but the greatest Red isn't even allowed in the ballpark on most days and lived his own personal Brokeback Mountain every day for more than a year in the 90's for tax fraud. Don't get me wrong. The Reds are a good young team, but I wouldn't trust the Reds organization with managing a lemonaid stand, and certainly I wouldn't trust them to manage a baseball team.

Sure, the Reds won a World Series once in my life-time. And they were a tremendous team in the 1970's. They were also owned by a bat-shit crazy elderly woman whose long list of bizarre offenses I won't even mention on this blog. The Cubs also had an incompetent owner for a number of years, but I don't think he was crazy, just stupid about baseball.

In other words RHM, don't give none, won't get none. When the Reds actually compete again, feel free to lay down the smack. Until then, just thank your good graces that Adam Dunn is still a Red, since he is immensely talented.

I think I made a new friend. ­čÖé

9 comments to “Ooh, Cubs are Sensitive”

  1. kurt says:

    Happy to oblidge, RHM. Hey, if it’s any consolation, I predicted the Reds to finish second last year behind the Deadbirds in the central based on the quality of some of their younger players and the assumed health of Ken Griffey. Regretfully, we know how that turned out.


    Kurt (Death)

  2. Red Hot Mama says:

    Welcome, Kurt! What a pleasure to have you here. My crush at work is named Kurt, so I’ll probably blush and giggle every time you post, just by association.

    Yes, we all know how that should-have-been second place finish didn’t turn out last year. Damn Astros. Let’s join forces and smack talk the heck out of their 70-year old players and tiny little left field!

  3. joeberk says:

    They’re a team who thinks they’re not in the World Series because of a) a goat, b) a black cat, and c) a fan in the stands. Heck, the Billy Goat’s got its own [url=]Wikipedia entry[/url].

  4. Decker says:

    [i]True, the Reds sunk the Cubs in 2004, and dealt a few crushing blows in 2005. Actually, that’s not fair. The Cubs sunk the Cubs. They just used the Reds-by-proxy. [/i]

    That is the [b]weakest[/b] smack ever.

    Just what I’d expect from a Cubs fan.

  5. Geki says:

    Hypersensitive Cubs fans? That’s rare. No, seriously, I’ve never seen those before. Get a new act, ya bum. The Reds continually disappoint, but they’re nowhere near the Cubs in terms of how good they are at sucking despite immense talent. Give the Reds Glendon Rusch and Jerome Williams and they’ll probably contend, and the Cubs have four pitchers better than those guys and can’t manage to do so.

  6. KC2HMZ says:

    Yeah, I’m sure it had nothing to do with the ball that went under Leon Durham’s glove in Game 5 of the 1984 NLCS when they blew a 2 games to none lead in a best-of-5 series. It has to be the goat, or the cat.

    Or it’s The Bartman’s fault. One potential out becomes a foul ball, and the Cubs misery continues unabated since 1908. It surely had nothing to do with what followed that play: walk, base hit. booted grounder, seven more Marlins runs. Not to mention the fact that the Flubs, er, I mean Cubs blew a 5-3 fifth-inning lead in the next game on top of it, with The Bartman nowhere to be found.

    Hey, what do Andy Pafko, Smoky Burgess, Don Hoak, Dale Long, Lou Brock, Lou Johnson, Jim Brewer, Moe Drabowsky, Ken Holtzman, Bill North, Bill Madlock, Manny Trillo, Rick Monday, Bruce Sutter, Willie Hernández, Joe Niekro, Dennis Eckersley, Joe Carter, Greg Maddux, Joe Girardi, Glenallen Hill, Luis Gonzalez, Mike Morgan, Mark Grace, Mark Bellhorn, Bill Mueller, and Dontrelle Willis all have in common?

    Answer: They all won a World Series AFTER having had the good sense to leave the Cubs’ organization. And everybody from Brock on has done it during my lifetime.


  7. Whoa, whoa , whoa. Hold on a sec. “When the Reds actually compete again….”??? Fans of The Best Team On Paper probably shouldn’t go down that particular road.

  8. Jamie Roth says:

    That is truly hilarious.

  9. Red Hot Mama says:

    Welcome, Jamie Roth. Glad to have your post.

    Keep the smack ideas flowing, everyone. April 3 is sooner than you think.