April 2, 2006
Defending World Champions, My Ass
By
Amanda
Posted at 7:54 pm
If Ms. Scratcher can weather the storm currently raging over St. Louis and make it on-line, we'll make fun of those Cubs-wannabes as they play those White-Sox-wannabes in tonight's first game of the season.
Hey, remember when the Reds used to play the first game of the season? Me neither.
Cross-posted at Bellyitcher.
I’m here and ready to rock
I forgot how annoying Joe Morgan really is.
Watch it…that’s a living legend you’re talking about there.
Actually, maybe the Reds ought to pick him back up. We’re down to, like, eight second basemen.
That’s dangerously low.
I’m going to have to cook dinner for myself and the boy at some point during this game.
Here we go!
The Indians are fresh off a [url=http://www.red-hot-mama.com/comments.php?id=524_0_1_0_C]loss to the Reds[/url], so they ought to be primed for losing.
Wait, who am I supposed to be rooting for?
You can pick either. There are lots of St. Louis boys on the Pale Hose, so I know a little bit more about them, but I don’t mind either one.
Or we could just bs about the NL (real baseball) Central.
Ya know, Crede’s pretty hot.
Grady struck out. I think he looks less like a guy who ought to have [url=http://gradysladies.com/]his own ladies[/url] and more like [url=http://wilwheaton.net]Wil Wheaton[/url].
That’s a bit creepy.
As big as CC Sabathia is, you’d think he’d be able to put his hat on straight.
How the hell did Peralta grow 2 inches over the winter? Hasn’t he, like, gone through puberty already?
OK, if they’re just going to go three-up, three-down all night, we’re going to be short on material.
Hmm…how does a grown man grow two inches?
Late bloomer? Shoe lifts? A poofy hair-do?
No kidding. It’s going to be pretty dull. But I still have to unpack most of my stuff from Portland, so I wouldn’t mind a quick game.
Oh, that pitcher you discarded, Hancock I think, made the Cardinals.
Discarded. Ha ha.
Yeah, I heard. I guess that means you encarded him?
Pretty scary when you’re picking up Reds’ pitching rejects.
The Cards are a wee bit better at pitching evaluation than the Reds, though. I mean, Eric Milton in a hitter’s park?
It’s not really a hitter’s park. Milton just made it look that way.
Wow. He’s really good.
You know what I’d like? I’d like to see a hit. And I get my wish!
Alright! Someone got a hit! Because the Indians sat there and watched it roll obviously fair!
Oh yes, Milton is good. Just look how well-paid he is for a fourth starter.
So how’re the Reds looking this year? I have to study up before that weekend series.
Let’s see: the pitching situation is looking up. Aaron Harang and Brandon “Pickle Man” Claussen are building on pretty good years for young fellas. Bronson Arroyo brings his perfect pitch to the rotation. Dave Williams is kind of scary, but Milton certainly can’t be any worse than last year, so that’s something.
Wow, it took all the way until the third inning for the announcers to bring up Barry Bonds. That must be a freakin’ record.
Oh, I forgot you got Arroyo. I don’t like any former Red Sock.
It’s not his fault. Think of him as a former Pirate. Yarr!
Look! Multiple baserunners!
I can’t abide any Boston crap.
Nice job breaking up the double play.
Bullpen’s OK, I reckon, by Reds’ standards. Half wiley veterans, half jell-o binging rookies. Claussen promised that the starters will be going into the seventh inning this year, though, so presumably the bullpen won’t be as big an issue this time around.
Well, that’s something I suppose. Did Journell make the club?
The offense is the same as the offense ever was. Bad-ass. You remember that, right?
Bad-ass? Or ass-bad?
Nice try, left fielder. Next time you won’t look like a little leaguer.
Nope. Apparently the Reds agreed with the Cards assessment and reassigned him to minor league camp [url=http://www.red-hot-mama.com/comments.php?id=463_0_1_0_C]a while back[/url].
Sox have them on second and third with no outs in the third inning. It’s about damn time.
And we have a run!
Runs!!!
Oops, C.C.’s hurt. That’s not good on Opening Day.
Jeepers, Sabathia’s out already? If La Russa pulled a pitcher every three innings…things would be exactly as they are now. Nevermind.
Seriously. I thought pitchers starting hurt where the domain of the Cubs.
Oooh! Graves is in! Look at that hair.
Yeah, that’s how Carpenter got 7 complete games last year. La Russa’s crazy.
I hate to do this to you, after inviting you over and everything, but I have to go cook dinner. I’m starving.
Wait…Graves? [i]Danny[/i] Graves?
I understand, but you’re really going to miss a show. Graves is sure to blame his poor performance on being converted to long relief. He’s supposed to be on mop-up.
Wow. Worst pickoff throw ever.
I can bring in a guest smack-talker while I’m in the kitchen, if you’d like.
That was a terrible pickoff attempt. Geez, Jon. Slober on the White Sox a little more.
Did the umpire just pat Dye on the butt?
Guest smack talker, huh? Sure, bring ’em on.
Poor Booney. It’s not his fault Graves is afraid of the strike zone. Or that he’s imminently hittable.
For those just joining us, it’s the bottom of the third and Danny Graves is pitching for some reason. He’s walked three now, given up a couple hits, given up a run. Basically continuing to justify the Reds firing his booty last season. White Sox up 0-3.
I was sticking around for the end of this inning, but I don’t think that will ever come. Time for dinner. I’ll stop by and say mean things about the Cubs when you’re playing them tomorrow.
Excellent, I’ll have him up in a minute…posting under my name.
Can you blame him? It’s such a pattable butt.
Welcome BS Proxy!
All right! The Indians’ crappy baserunning can’t overcome the poor relay throw by the Sox and Cleveland has a run! 1-3.
Eduardo Perez hits a home run to left field. Jon Miller calls it several seconds after it’s clearly gone. It apparently took him that long to think of the Spanish word for “goodbye.”
Score’s tied. This offense is apparently intent on not letting Gravy keep them down.
… and just like that, with two swings of the bat, tie game.
Good to know that “the Joe’s” are already in mid-season form. Blech.
Hi BS Proxy. Why don’t you tell us about yourself during the rain delay? A/S/L?