DENVER, CO -- The Colorado Rockies will forfeit tonight's contest against the Cincinnati Reds after a humidor break-down decimated their supply of baseballs.

The Rockies' Senior Director of Engineering and Facilities, James Wiener, noticed the break-down that ruined the baseballs late this afternoon.

“[Rockies' reliever Ray] King asked me for some of his balls to play with,” said Wiener. “He'll only play with his own balls. We keep them in a sack up against the wall in the humidor.”

“I noticed right away that something wasn't right because his balls were blue,” explained Wiener. The bluish tint seems to have appeared when, after splitting or winning all their series, the Rockies failed to seal the deal with the Braves.

Wiener's fears were confirmed he he touched King's balls. “They were all way too small. Even the sack was dry and shriveled up.” He soon discovered that all of the teams' baseballs were destroyed.

“You should have seen the guys' faces when I told them they didn't have any balls,” said Wiener, shaking his head.

FedEx will deliver a new supply of balls in the morning.

“That's great,” said Reds' reliever, Kent Mercker, “But who's going to deliver them some testicles?”

Dear readers, please forgive me for the Smack Talkin' Fake News that I am about to post. If you thought the rubber position post was bad, just know that I'm about to take it up a notch.

Looks like we're going to be treated to the trash-talk stylings of Rox Girl this evening. If you missed it in the comments, she says:

So, I couldn't help notice that Brandon Claussen's pitching for your team tonight… I mean, if you're okay wearing that, I'm not going to stop you, but I'd personally go with something a little less loose with the longball if you know what I mean. I mean how many homeruns did he give up his last time away from the GAB? Like twenty? In one inning?

Yeah. That just wouldn't be my thing. But you go ahead with it if you think it suits you.

Don't you love her already??

Reds Blogs
Most of the Reds blogs have something to say about beating the Cardinals. See WHTR, CRB, the pessimist, RLN, JABOR, CoB, and BRM.

Cardinals Blogs
Alternately, the Cardinals bloggers mostly have spaced out this series:

The terminally Shift-key-challenged lboros at Viva El Birdos ponders why La Russa used Falkenborg in last night's game. lboros thinks it's because La Russa was saving his other pitchers for the series against the Astros, which he agrees is most important. That's fine. You can keep saying that being swept by the Reds isn't important as long as you want. You can say it straight into October, for all I care.

RedBirdBrain is picking a fight with a fan of every team in the majors. I say why fight? The contest for second awesomest after the Reds just isn't that important, in the scheme of things.

Scott at Cardilly is still talking about uniform numbers. I can barely keep the Reds' jersey numbers straight; I'm sure never going to know anything about the Cards' numbers. I guess that's what people end up doing on their way down in the division.

Saving the best for last, Ms. Scratcher at bellyitcher posts a video about the Cubs and doesn't mention the agony of being swept by the Reds at all. It's probably better that she's blocking it out.

Rockies Blogs
The only one I visit is Purple Row, written by Rox Girl. She doesn't say anything in particular about the Battle of Surprising Divisional Leaders that's coming up tonight, but go check her out anyway. I plan to go pick a fight.

The Reds swept the Cardinals and maintained their hold on first place with a 2-3 win yesterday afternoon.

Dave Williams took the mound for the Reds and allowed just two runs (earned) over six and two-thirds innings. It was a solid performance from the fifth starter, but the eight hits and two walks made it feel less solid. The hit-by-pitch of David Eckstein gave away a base, but otherwise was a positive for Williams in my book.

Rick White took over for the last out of the seventh inning, giving up no hits. Todd Coffey allowed no runs on two hits in the eighth and ninth to get the win. One of these days, maybe Coffey will get rocked, but for the moment, his ERA is 0.53 with 17 innings pitched.

The Reds spent most of the game catching up. In the top of the first, Eckstein and John Gall singled to start things off. Hector Luna and Juan Encarnación each flied out to left field just before Scott Spiezio knocked in Eckstein with a single to right. So Taguchi flied out to end the threat, but it was looking like it could be a long game. Score: 1-0.

The Cardinals struck again in the third inning when a timely caught-stealing of Hector Luna made Juan Encarnación's home run a solo shot. Score: 2-0.

The Reds didn't make an appearance until the bottom of the sixth when Adam Dunn and Edwin Encarnación tacked back-to-back whackity-whacks to right and left-center fields, respectively. Score: 2-2.

Tied in the bottom of the ninth, Kearns struck out. Wait, that's what he would have done last year! This year he singled to short. Brandon Phillips was hit by a pitch, moving Kearns to second. Jason LaRue sacrifice-bunted the runners over to set up Javier Valentín to drive one to right field and bring Kearnsy home. Final Score: 2-3.

The win brings the Reds' record to 19-8, best in the majors. The Reds travel to Colorado today where Brandon Claussen faces Jeff Francis for the Rockies.