The Red Hot Household has been struck by the dreaded flu-like symptoms this week, knocking yours truly on her booty for about four days. The Crack Technical Staff literally had to call to get me out of bed long enough to post about Griffey being traded last week, and afterward I fell back to sleep. I mean, I missed work. Do you have any concept of the state I need to be in to miss work??

Finally, I am beginning to emerge from the Nyquil-stained sheets and enjoy the pleasures of the waking world. And, though I’m having almost no trouble keeping myself upright as I watch tonight’s Reds-Brewers game, and though the once-searing pain in my throat is now barely more than a nagging ache, I have not been able to shake this voice affliction that makes me sound like a lifetime smoker/nightclub singer. Maybe we’ll record a podcast so you all can enjoy it.

I’m enjoying watching the Reds win for a change. Even if Cordero eventually gives this one up, we got to see Bronson Arroyo not suck, Gary Majewski suck for only an inning, and David Weathers get out of his own jam. Oh, and Prince Fielder shoving a guy 1/10th his weight in the dugout.

The Crack Technical Staff was telling me that the Reds’ record against teams with records over .500 is very high, while their record against teams with records under .500 is very low. So, they rise to the challenge against the leaders, and manage to suck even worse than the suck teams. Seems strange, but it also seems like exactly the sort of pattern this team has kept up over the years, like scoring among the most runs in the majors but failing to actually contend and hiring Dusty Baker.

While I was out sick, a Cubs fan I work with sent me a taunting email about the Reds already giving up for the season, saying it was earlier than usual. He’s right, but I told him that at least they weren’t giving up on NEXT season yet, which is a nice change of pace.

I also told him that it’s not my problem anyway, seeing as I’m a White Sox fan now.

But apparently not really, since I hung around long enough to see Cordero finally get another save. Dude, it’s about damn time! And Arroyo is officially a 10-game winner. AND Jim Day has a fan club. It was totally worth getting out of bed today.

I’ve been enjoying these Bronson Arroyo-Chris Welsh commercials since the Reds’ regular season started. Simply put, they are awesome on so many levels. Plus: they’re real! Unlike Arroyo’s hilarious car commercial.

In yet another affectionate display of loyalty to the team that traded his home-town discount ass to Cincinnati, Bronson Arroyo was seen gushing at a concert in the Boston area:

But near the end of Bronson’s set, he threw a zinger into the music: a cover of Augustana’s 2007 summer ballad “Boston.” And what did the guy do, knowing that former GM Theo Epstein was watching from the backstage wings?

Dude totally modified the lyrics, making what one could view as either a nostalgic gesture toward the old crowd or, as we’d like to think, a plea for his old job!

“I think I need to get back to Boston,” he sings. (We couldn’t hear the next couple of lines because some of the women of the crowd were freaking out) “I need to get out of Cincinnati, I think I need the Olde Towne to fill my heart again.”

Seriously, what is this guy like when women dump him?

Bronson Arroyo performs “Wonderwall” at Redsfest in December. I’ve never been entirely sure what a “wonderwall” is supposed to be, but in this case it seems to be what you hit two months into the season.

And the acoustic version. He must really like this song.

And here is his performing “Last Dance With Mary Jane.”

One more, this one with matching guitars!

Arroyo was the recipient of two awards from the Reds in 2006.

The first, the Johnny Vander Meer Award, is given to the “Reds’ Most Outstanding Pitcher.” Reds.com points out:

Arroyo, who was acquired in a March 2006 trade from Boston for outfielder Wily Mo Pena, went 14-11 with a 3.29 ERA in 35 starts last season. The right-hander led the Major Leagues in innings pitched with 240 2/3 and was tied for first in starts. The 30-year-old was also Cincinnati’s lone representative to the All-Star Game in Pittsburgh.

The other award, the Joe Nuxhall Good Guy Award, is traditionally given to Sean Casey. Good Guy Award balloting in the post-Casey era was not so clear-cut, according to The Enquirer:

The Good Guy voting was extremely close. Arroyo got three votes. Adam Dunn, Kent Mercker and Todd Coffey got two each, and Scott Hatteberg, Aurilia, Austin Kearns, Javier Valentin and David Ross all got one.

“Plate Music” is what I call the song that players choose to have played over the PA system as they step up to the plate. Presumably it is a song that the player feels says something about him, helps get him pumped up, or intimidates the opposing pitcher.

Arroyo’s plate music is “45″ by Shinedown.

This outtake caught on film while shooting a commercial for Champion Ford in Cincinnati garnered much more attention than the commercial itself. And to think you saw it here first!

With antics like this, it’s hard to keep the guy as my whipping boy. But I’m always up for a challenge!

Since I went to all the work to write these freaking questions, I figure I might as well share what I would have asked if I’d had the opportunity. I think you’ll agree that this would have been a killer interview

I would have asked these questions on May 1, 2006, after his complete game against the St. Louis Cardinals:

Tonight’s start –
swapping rotation to face Mulder
complete game; 4 hits, 1 run, 4 strike-outs, 5-0 recordBeen on fire. How’s it been pitching in Cincinnati?
How’s the media different?
How’s the team different?
How are the fans different?

When you were traded, you had some not-so-nice things to say about leaving Boston. Would you still rather be pitching out of their pen than what you did tonight?

Are you still in touch with your old Boston teammates?
What do they think of your performance?
What do they think of Wily Mo?
You’ve got to have a sense that you’re proving them wrong for trading you

The Sox beat the Yankees tonight, 3-7. Are you sad to have missed it?

You’ve got two home runs and a .125 batting average, which isn’t horrible for a pitcher. How are you liking hitting again?

What do you think of the Reds chances continuing through the season?

Lots of people testify about the influence of Bob Castellini on the team this season. Are you feeling his impact as well?

When are the cornrows coming back?

Do you have any new musical projects in the works?

What do you think of the new Pearl Jam album?

Looks like your next start will be in the heat of Arizona. Are you ready for a climate change?

The best of luck to you, Mr. Arroyo. Thank you so much for being on the podcast.