Today was a nice win, but it doesn’t blot out the shining weakness that was a strength just a few weeks ago: the starting pitching. Volquez, as #1 starter is expected to absorb something like 220 innings. How is he going to do that when his pitch count is usually in the mid 50s by the 3rd inning?

Bronson Arroyo (he of the golden hair and rubber arm) is struggling with some kind of upper respiratory problem that had doctors scratching their heads, leading to tests. Inititally the tests were for something bizarre called ‘Valley Fever’ but then suddenly the much more well-known Mononucleosis (aka Mono) became the final prognosis. If you know Bronson like I know him, you know he is on his yacht during the offseason, somewhere in the Flordia Keys or thereabouts.

Bronson, as an athlete, is unfortunately insulated from independent news outlets such as this one. He probably relies on getting his information from the Main Stream Media aka MSM. That can be deadly. The MSM will have you believe the Oil Spill is a thing of the past and you can eat Atlantic Lobster at $9.99/lb. Nevermind the countless independent reports citing oil just beneath the sand, of insane amounts of aerial Corexit spraying, and of vast die-offs of marine life. So forgive me for thinking that Bronson maybe inhaled some of this poisonous vapor cocktail while patroling about on the SS Curveball.

The good news is that he is under treatment and out of that toxic environment. If anything, Arroyo has proven to be a resilient character having never touched the DL as a Red, if memory serves me correctly.

Nontheless one must be concerned at the state of the starting pitching staff. Arroyo is recuperating from illness, Cueto has a mystery arm ailment, and Volquez can’t keep his pitch count at reasonable levels to last deep into a ballgame. I almost forgot that Homer Bailey is gone for an unspecified time period, and is not even throwing a ball these days.

The good news is the Aroldis Chapman is lurking in the shadows. You’d think this would be the opportune time to stretch him out as a long reliever and prepare a transition to the starting rotatation. Things would be looking mighty good at that point and might even have Pete Rose looking more cheerful than this:

As always, be sure to stockpile food, water, firearms, gold and silver coins, and alternative medicines…. and like that old cop on Hill Street Blues used to say: “Stay Safe Out There.”

AND GO REDS!

THC REED
Red-Hot-Mama.com Contributing Writer

Lost in our posts about RedsFest was the fact that the Cincinnati Reds agreed to a contract extension with Bronson Arroyo.

The deal is for 3 years and $35 million, keeping Arroyo under contract through 2013. Earlier in the off-season, the Reds had picked up Arroyo’s $13 million option for 2011. This contract replaces that and adds on two more years. Also, John Fay has reported that a portion of the extension includes deferred money that will keep paying Arroyo until 2021.

Presumably, between the deferred money and the contract reworking, the Reds have shaved several million dollars off of payroll for next season. With the raises their arbitration-eligible players are set to receive, this will allow the club to meet their $80 million payroll target.

As for the extension, I was initially very skeptical about it. Of course, at first I misunderstood it’s details, assuming that a 3-year extension meant Arroyo had added 3 years to his the end of his current option. Finding out that it simply overwrites and replaces 2011 makes it better. A 3-year deal is always less risky than a 4-year deal, even with Arroyo’s spotless injury history.

Arroyo will be 34 starting next season, which means he’ll be 36 when this contract is up. Even with the Reds surplus of young pitching, I think this deal makes sense. All of the other starters are young and inexperienced. Given Arroyo’s track-record, I think it’s a reasonable expectation for him to maintain what he’s done next year, before dropping off a bit for the next couple years. By then, the young starters should be established and able to take on the veteran leadership for the next crop of pitchers.

Also, it does cement the Reds position of having what every major league baseball team desires and what I don’t believe the Cincinnati organization has ever had: a surplus of good, young starting pitching.

From the Reds marketing email this week:

Send your questions for Bronson Arroyo
Get your questions in now for our next Redlegs Q&A – this time with Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo! Better Off Red’s Jamie Ramsey will sit down with Bronson later this month to get answers to questions from you. Send yours to redlegsnews@reds.com and be sure to include your name and where you’re from!

Corn rows, crappy ’90s guitar music, nutritional supplements, pining for Boston, the likelihood that he won’t be around next season…the list of potential topics for questions is practically limitless. Ask him how it feels to hang around with great starting pitchers for a change.

The level of sarcasm is, of course, up to you. Said sarcasm probably depends on whether you’re asking about his kick-ass performance last night or his crappy 90s grunge music.

Bronson Arroyo will be answering questions in an online chat on Reds.com today at 3 p.m. You can go there RIGHT NOW to get your question in the queue.

According to LikeMe.net, when Bronson Arroyo is not busy perfecting his sweet grunge guitar licks, he’s hanging out at the Lodge Bar or the Waffle House (“When my boys come to visit me, we get up on four hours of sleep and I force them to go to Waffle House,” he says. Presumably this happens around 11:30 a.m.)

Check out his recommendations for yourself here:
http://www.likeme.net/users/BronsonArroyo/recommendations

And definitely let me know if you run into him at Shanghai Mama’s.

The Red Hot Household has been struck by the dreaded flu-like symptoms this week, knocking yours truly on her booty for about four days. The Crack Technical Staff literally had to call to get me out of bed long enough to post about Griffey being traded last week, and afterward I fell back to sleep. I mean, I missed work. Do you have any concept of the state I need to be in to miss work??

Finally, I am beginning to emerge from the Nyquil-stained sheets and enjoy the pleasures of the waking world. And, though I’m having almost no trouble keeping myself upright as I watch tonight’s Reds-Brewers game, and though the once-searing pain in my throat is now barely more than a nagging ache, I have not been able to shake this voice affliction that makes me sound like a lifetime smoker/nightclub singer. Maybe we’ll record a podcast so you all can enjoy it.

I’m enjoying watching the Reds win for a change. Even if Cordero eventually gives this one up, we got to see Bronson Arroyo not suck, Gary Majewski suck for only an inning, and David Weathers get out of his own jam. Oh, and Prince Fielder shoving a guy 1/10th his weight in the dugout.

The Crack Technical Staff was telling me that the Reds’ record against teams with records over .500 is very high, while their record against teams with records under .500 is very low. So, they rise to the challenge against the leaders, and manage to suck even worse than the suck teams. Seems strange, but it also seems like exactly the sort of pattern this team has kept up over the years, like scoring among the most runs in the majors but failing to actually contend and hiring Dusty Baker.

While I was out sick, a Cubs fan I work with sent me a taunting email about the Reds already giving up for the season, saying it was earlier than usual. He’s right, but I told him that at least they weren’t giving up on NEXT season yet, which is a nice change of pace.

I also told him that it’s not my problem anyway, seeing as I’m a White Sox fan now.

But apparently not really, since I hung around long enough to see Cordero finally get another save. Dude, it’s about damn time! And Arroyo is officially a 10-game winner. AND Jim Day has a fan club. It was totally worth getting out of bed today.

I’ve been enjoying these Bronson Arroyo-Chris Welsh commercials since the Reds’ regular season started. Simply put, they are awesome on so many levels. Plus: they’re real! Unlike Arroyo’s hilarious car commercial.

In yet another affectionate display of loyalty to the team that traded his home-town discount ass to Cincinnati, Bronson Arroyo was seen gushing at a concert in the Boston area:

But near the end of Bronson’s set, he threw a zinger into the music: a cover of Augustana’s 2007 summer ballad “Boston.” And what did the guy do, knowing that former GM Theo Epstein was watching from the backstage wings?

Dude totally modified the lyrics, making what one could view as either a nostalgic gesture toward the old crowd or, as we’d like to think, a plea for his old job!

“I think I need to get back to Boston,” he sings. (We couldn’t hear the next couple of lines because some of the women of the crowd were freaking out) “I need to get out of Cincinnati, I think I need the Olde Towne to fill my heart again.”

Seriously, what is this guy like when women dump him?

Bronson Arroyo performs “Wonderwall” at Redsfest in December. I’ve never been entirely sure what a “wonderwall” is supposed to be, but in this case it seems to be what you hit two months into the season.

And the acoustic version. He must really like this song.

And here is his performing “Last Dance With Mary Jane.”

One more, this one with matching guitars!