The Dick Pole Limerick Contest
Updated 11/14/2006 11:08 PM
Looks like I've knocked the Limerick Contest off the front page a solid two days before the deadline. I don't really want to sticky it, so I'm changing the date to bring it back to the top.
Originally posted 11/10/2006 12:30 AM
Some people have brought to my attention the fact that our new pitching coach, Dick Pole, has a somewhat amusing name. And since I can tell that people are just itching to use all their tasteless jokes, I saw an opportunity to provide the tasteless venue.
Hey, don't thank me. Serving the community is just what I do.
The task before you is to write the funniest Dick Pole limerick. To enter, submit your limerick in the comments on this post by 11:00 p.m. EST on Thursday, November 16. Enter as often as you like. The winner will be selected by which one makes me laugh the hardest, unless I can get the Crack Technical Staff to make me a poll by then. In which case the winner would be selected by poll. Pole poll.
The winner will receive the Reds crap I have lying around my desk, including but not limited to: a signed copy of the increasingly “collectible” Funnyball, a “Cincinnati GO REDS” bumper sticker that I picked up at the Reds caravan last year, and a fistful of Red Hot Mama matchbooks.
My name is Dick Pole
Pimpin Hoes is my goal
On the side, I coach the Reds
But everyone knows I own the bed
Dirk Diggler’s got nothin on the great Dick Pole
I tried to keep it in the aabba format that a Limerick is supposed to be in.
There’s a man named Dick Pole from Nantucket
He caused major league hitters to step in the bucket
Roundabouts of once a year
Ol Dick Pole would strike fear
Amongst the Thai shemales in Phukhet
There once was a man named Dick Pole
Coaching major league pitchers his goal.
Once in the Queen City
The response wasn’t pretty
So back to the porn circuit he stole.
Eh, I’ll bite.
Dick Pole was the Reds pitching coach.
A ladies man beyond reproach.
When asked to describe
him, his woman, she sighed,
“You never miss his approach.”
There once was an old coach named Dick
Who could teach pitchers wonderful tricks
But he’d barter his soul
To achieve his true goal:
A name that did not suggest pricks.
There once was a team in need
Of someone able to lead
To fill the hole
They called Dick Pole
To do the pitching deed
There once was a man, Castellini
Who owned a baseball team-y
He hired coach Pole
Because Dick had stole
Pictures of Bob’s bikini
Dick Pole has a talent that
Few others can hope to excel at
For when he’s hard
The Reds can go yard
Using Dick’s pole as a bat.
(I always loved the guy’s name!)
What Could I Do
There once was a girl from trout creek
who just wouldn’t stand for the prick
so young Dick Pole
couldn’t go to the hole
instead she had to be licked.