The Cincinnati Reds announced the extension of General Manager Walt Jocketty’s contract for at least next season yesterday. Many are wondering how someone who hasn’t done anything that improved the club in almost two years could have been renewed so easily. Thankfully, a mole inside the club leaked us the following transcript of an interview between Jocketty, CEO Bob Castellini, and Director of Media Relations Rob Butcher from before the extension.

Walt: Hi, Bob. Rob.
Rob: Why don’t you grab a seat and join us for a minute?
Bob: We’re just trying to get a feel for how people spend their day. So, if you would, would you just walk us through a typical day for you?
Walt: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. I use the Hall of Fame entrance, so no one sees me. Uh, and after that, I just sorta space out for about an hour.
Rob: Space out?
Walt: I just stare at my desk but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too. I’d say, in a given week, I do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work.
Bob: Would you be a good sport and indulge us and tell us a little more?
Walt: The thing is, Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy. It’s just that I just don’t care.
Rob: Don’t, don’t care?
Walt: It’s a problem of motivation. Now, if I work my ass off and the Reds win a few more games, I don’t see another dime. So where’s the motivation? And here’s another thing, Bob. I have four different bosses right now!
Bob: Four?
Walt: Four, Bob. You, of course, Bryan, the fans, and somehow Dusty still tells me when I’ve screwed up. So that means when I make a mistake, I have four different groups coming by to tell me about it. That’s my real motivation – is not to be hassled. That and the fear of losing my job, but y’know, Bob, that will only make someone work hard enough not to get fired.
Bob: Bear with me for a minute.
Walt: Ok.
Bob: Believe me, this is hypothetical. But what if you were offered some kind of stock option and equity sharing program?
Walt: Sure, I guess.
Bob: One thing, before we’re done. It looks like you’ve been missing a lot of trades lately.
Walt: I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing them. Y’know, trades take a good three hours to make, and like I said, I only put in about 15 minutes of work a week.
Rob: Sure. I think that we’re finished here.
Bob: We’ll get back to you in a few days.
[Noise as Walt gets up and leaves.]
Rob: What a straight shooter.
Bob: Definitely. I think our problem is we haven’t challenged him enough to get him really motivated.
Rob: I agree.
Bob: What he needs is at least another year.

So there you have it. That’s what led the Reds to extend Jocketty. And I think with another year of doing nothing, the Reds can achieve a second, consecutive fourth-place finish. Heck, they might even be able to wrest last place from the hands of the Cubs.

Frazier and Jeter, 16 years apart

In case you were wondering why all the baseball teams just suddenly stopped playing and the most recent score on your phone sports app is from Sunday, that’s because it’s the All Star break. The game was last night, with the National League losing to the American League 5-3, thanks entirely to the terrible pitching by the St. Louis Cardinals.

It was also the last All Star game for Derek Jeter. However, that was not because he was going to be a human sacrifice following the game as I originally thought. Apparently, he’s decided he sucks at baseball now and wants to quit instead of going after Pete Rose’s hit record.

That also was not what the game and the break has been about for me. No, for me, it’s been Todd Frazier blossoming on the national scene. First, he was selected to participate in the home run derby. This is the first time I’ve sat through an entire derby–three hours of batting practice, counting the rain delay–and it’s thanks entirely to Frazier. He was that much fun to watch.

After his initial round of only 2 home runs, I figured he was done. But then Yasiel Puig hit no home runs in his 5 seconds of trying, and Frazier tied with Justin Morneau. After Frazier won the tie-breaker, he advanced to the second round and easily dispatched Troy Tulowitzki 6-2. In the semi-finals, Frazier narrowly squeaked by Giancarlo Stanton 1-0.

That made Frazier the National League Home Run Derby champion, which is pretty cool. Sure, he was easily dispatched by the defending champion Yeonis Cespedes, but it was quite enjoyable to see Frazier competing with his oldest brother throwing the pitches.

Frazier walked in his lone at bat during the All Star game. And hopefully, we’ll get to see him and many more Reds take the field when the game comes to Cincinnati next year.

After the hopefully minor injuries to Brandon Phillips and Billy Hamilton last night, the Cincinnati Reds are in full day-to-day mode.

1. Chris Heisey, CF
2. Skip Schumaker, RF
3. Todd Frazier, 3B
4. Brayan Pena, 1B
5. Ryan Ludwick, LF
6. Ramon Santiago, 2B
7. Zack Cozart, SS
8. Tucker Barnhart, C
9. Homer Bailey, P

Ouch. Only one of those hitters–Frazier–is having an above-average offensive year. Out of all the teams in the majors, there is only one that I can see this weakhouse lineup being effective against: the Cubs. Thankfully, the Reds are playing them today.