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Wow! The Brewers (3-1) responded to their failure to sweep the Cubs by opening up one big, heapin’ helpin’ of whoop-ass on the Giants (1-3) today.

The Brew Crew jumped on Jonathan Sanchez (0-1) in the first by scoring 3 runs, and the rout was on. Carlos Villanueva (1-0) was the recipient of the gross run support. Salomon Torres, the relief pitcher from the Pirates who famously threatened to retire, pitched what amounted to 3 innings of mop-up duty for the Brewers to get his first save.

Milwaukee currently sits atop the National League Central, trying to be the team that gets off to the hot start. Saturday they play the Giants again, with Kevin Correia (0-0) taking on Red Hot Mama Hottest Baller contestant Manny Parra (0-0) at 12:05pm CDT.

Boxscore

The story of the day in the NL Central, if not all of MLB, was the premiere of rookie Reds (2-1) starter Johnny Cueto against the Diamondbacks (1-2).

At 5 feet, 11 inches, he was looked over because he was considered too short to be a Major League pitcher. Such rampant size-ism in professional sports these days. Tsk. Tsk. Cueto (1-0) picked up his first win by being perfect through 5 and striking out 10 in 7 innings. And somehow Dusty Baker didn’t even let him reach 100 pitches! Crazy. Cueto becomes the first rookie for the Reds to debut in such awesome fashion. Ever! For his next start, I hear he’s going to pull a rabbit from a hat. You won’t want to miss that!

Francisco Cordero pitched a perfect ninth for his first save, while Doug Davis (0-1) was charged with the loss.

The Reds host the Phillies tonight. Kyle Kendrick (0-0) starts against Josh Fogg (0-0). The action begins at 7:10pm EDT.

Boxscore

In what had to have been the ugliest opening series in all of baseball, the Pirates (2-1) managed to take the series from the Braves (1-2).

The Pirates won thanks to a good effort from Zach Duke, despite completely incompetent managing of him by the Pirates’ coaching staff (shades of Dusty Baker) and a great bullpen. Tyler Yates (1-0) picked up the win in the Pirates’ second extra-innings affair in three games, with Matt Capps getting his first save. Chris Resop (0-1) was tagged with the loss in between playing right field for a batter.

The Pirates travel to Florida. Matt Morris (0-0) will start against Scott Olsen (0-0) tonight at 7:10pm EDT.

Boxscore

The Astros (1-3) proved themselves unable to split the series with the Padres (3-1).

Shawn Chacon actually pitched decently as a started, despite the fact that in his career he’s been a much better reliever than a starter, and he’s only been an average reliever. He left with the game tied, leaving it to the Astros’ bullpen and Oscar Villarreal (0-1) to lose. For the Padres, Enrique Gonzalez (1-0) got a blown save and a win, with Trevor Hoffman picking up his 2nd save on the young season.

The Astros moved on to Chicago where Chris Sampson would take on Rich Hill.

Boxscore

As I sit here drinking some whisky and Diet Dr. Pepper (don’t laugh, it’s tasty), I realized that I haven’t performed my self-appointed task of writing the quick linescore recaps of yesterday’s NLC games. Sure, I did the Cardinals game, but there were 4 other games last night. And 2 more are already finished today! Ah, the insanity of dedicating yourself to a Sisyphean task for no discernible reason. (And if I’m not making sense now, just wait until I’ve had more whiskys and Diet Dr. Peppers by the end of this night!)

Anyway, to the game. The Cubs (1-2) garnered their first win, managing not to get swept by the Brewers (2-1) and undoubtedly saving the lives of several Cubs fans who place far too much importance in early season games.

Ryan Dempster (1-0) somehow served the role of stopper for Chicago, despite living up to his nickname in the first inning, while Kerry Wood got his first save of the season. Dave Bush (0-1) got the loss for the Brewers.

The Cubs opened a series hosting Houston, while the Brewers returned home to host the Giants.