I know we’ll hear about all this when we get our next weekly injury report here at Red Hot Mama, but the setbacks the Cubs are already suffering are just too much to ignore. The big news is that Alfonso Soriano broke his finger, of course, and will apparently be out for only five days while his magical cyborg bones stitch themselves back up. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Infielder Mark DeRosa is suffering an irregular heartbeat and had to be hospitalized. Pitcher Jose Ascanio got punched in an attempted robbery and has the bruises to prove it. Aramis “Mr. Boring” Ramirez has a sore shoulder.

But the pièce de résistance is Felix Pie’s twisted testicle. It’s the sort of injury that you know you shouldn’t laugh at but can’t stop guffawing, like the first time you saw There’s Something About Mary. I asked the Crack Technical Staff to find me a picture of the affliction, but after just a few seconds of Google searching, he refused, so we’ll just have to use our imaginations. In mine, it’s sort of like a slinky.

What do these three men have in common? If you said that all three suck, I understand. You’re probably a Cubs fan who remembers the time that Corey Patterson, Jerry Hairston, Jr., and Neifi Perez spent with the Cubs.

But no, that’s not the answer I was looking for. I’m afraid that what these three players have in common is the love and adoration of one Dusty Baker, current manager of the Cincinnati Reds. The Reds signed Hairston and Patterson to minor league contracts, no doubt due to their shortage of young, talented infielders and outfielders. Patterson will contend for the starting center field position, which is great, because the Reds have no one up and coming to take that spot.

It’s hard not to laugh, so don’t hold it in. It wouldn’t surprise me if this is just the warm-up, though. I mean, Neifi Perez is available.

What other team but the Cubs could drop the kind of money they’ve dropped this off-season and still not be considered a shoe-in to win the division? Money’s not everything, I know, but I think that demonstrates an impressive faith from the general public in the ability of the Cubs to come in second.

Cubnut at The Cub Reporter opened my eyes to a story from the Chicago Tribune that quotes Jason Marquis saying he wants to be traded if the Cubs won’t let him start:

“I love Chicago. I definitely want to stay here…But I also signed as a starter…I love (Chicago), I love the fans, I love the stadium. I also have a family to worry about, too. I think I can take my services elsewhere…and help another team, in that capacity as a starter.”

He’s right, you know. We’ve got to think of the children.

Al at Bleed Cubbie Blue is looking beyond the Cubs’ third spring training loss in a row to get at the real lessons of the game. Among them: Sam Fuld, NLC’s Hottest Baller candidate, is not starting off the season as well as he ended last season. This probably doesn’t disappoint anyone as much as me, since I might have been the only one to vote for him.

The top post at The View From The Bleachers is a diary from Harry, cross-posted from another blog. It’s a close view at today’s game. If you’d like to feel like you were there, give it a read.

Finally, over at Goat Riders of the Apocalypse, Kurt reports that Alfonso Soriano’s broken middle finger on his throwing hand is taking him out of commission for only five days. How in the hell is he going to heal a broken finger in five days?? I guess his legs are all that really matter.

I hit the Cubs official site tonight and saw that you can get Cubs.com in Spanish now. A quick tour of the other NLC official sites showed that you can also get Astros.com in Spanish.

Totally awesome, in my opinion. I’m very much in favor of making baseball more accessible. And I’m also in favor of getting Scott Spezio eye replacement–if that’s what he needs–as apparently mentioned in this headline on the Cardinals official site that I saw when looking for more sites in Spanish. I had no idea team doctors were making such impressive strides.

OK, finally here’s an update on player transactions in the NL Central. Egad, Feb. 11, has it really been that long? How time flies. Fortunately, many of the deals that have transpired since have already been reported by my colleagues here on RHM and there were a few “slow news days” so hopefully this won’t be too painful if I move along quickly

Yes, Feb. 11 – the Pirates signed 1B Doug Mientkiewicz to a MLCWSTI.

Feb 15 – The Pirates invited nonroster C Steve Lerud to spring training, while the Reds locked up their probable 2008 cleanup hitter for the next four years by signing 2B Brandon Phillips to a four-year, $27 million contract through the 2011 season with a club option for 2012.

Feb. 18 – The Cubs signed IF Alex Cintron to a MLCWSTI (Also on this date, Leatherpants Vampire added Bret Boone to his collection of former Reds).

Feb. 19 -  The Cardinals signed LHP Ron Villone, a former Red, Brewer, Astro, and Pirate, to a MLCWSTI – and Bubba copped a job.

Feb. 20 – The Astros signed free agent RHP Shawn Chacon, a former Pirate, to a $2 million, one-year contract. The Brewers signed LHP Mitch Stetter to a one-year contract and signed 3B/OF Russell Branyan, a former Red Brewer, and Cardinal, to a minor league contract (Incidentally, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel erroneously reported that Branyan was with the Reds, Padres, and Cardinals last year. Oops. Well, two out of three ain’t bad, right? Russ was with the Phillies, Padres, and Cardinals last year and hasn’t worn a Reds uni since 2003. You Brewers fans might want to tip off Tom Haudricourt about the existence of Baseball Reference).

Feb. 21 – The Brewers signed C Lou Palmisano to a one-year contract. The Reds signed RHP Josh Fogg, a former Pirate, to a one-year, $1 million contract, placing LHP Bobby Livingston on the 60-day DL to make room for Fogg on the 40-man roster.

Feb. 22 – The Reds released OF/1B Craig Wilson after he reportedly failed his physical. Wilson spent most of last year on the DL with shoulder problems and even had surgery to try to clean things up. I wish Craig the best of luck.

Feb. 24 – As previously reported here on RHM, the Pirates signed RHP Byung-Hyun Kim to a one-year, $850,000 contract.

What wasn’t reported is how they made room for Kim on their 40-man roster: They DFA’ed Little Ray Ray.

🙁

I hope they finish in the cellar…but then, what are the odds of that? Oh, wait…

That’s a wrap. You’re now caught up on all the wheeling and dealing in the NLC since our last update. I’ll have more to contribute soon, if I don’t completely trash my computers upgrading the operating systems later this week (it really is about time for me to ditch Windows ME, don’t you think?).

HMZ