OK, I understand that the Reds aren’t going to win 162 games this season. And I realize that a loss is a loss no matter how much you lose by. But this series against the Cardinals has me wanting to dig a hole and hide.

The Reds may well make it into the postseason thanks to the two wildcards, but it’s hard to hope for much more than that when they get demolished by the Cards who just got demolished by the Pirates. Andrew McCutchen may now be the inexorable force-of-will determining the destiny of all of baseball.

This kind of talk doesn’t help anyone, though. And there’s plenty of negativity on the internet already, especially since I know the Reds are at King’s Island today. Fans hate seeing the players having fun, especially when they got trampled the day before. Even as we speak, the keyboard keys used to type “maybe they should be in the batting cages instead” are being worn out from overuse across the tri-state area.

So, now seems like a good time for a little whimsy. The Wooo guy has a new song with sage wisdom for us all:

There’s also an acoustic version. It’s maybe a little less cool, but the lyrics are easier to understand.

Lately, it feels like the Cincinnati Reds have been missing something from their offense. Some terror that flaps in the night. Given some recent current events, I think I know just the thing to let the Reds get dangerous. Carlos Danger.

Here’s tonight’s lineup against the second-place St. Louis Cardinals, thanks to the Carlos Danger name generator.

1. Javier Sly, CF
2. Narciso Smash, LF
3. Jorge Sly, 1B
4. Mateo Menace, 2B
5. Ricardo Evil, RF
6. Efraín Verboten, 3B
7. Diego Threat, SS
8. Inigo Menace, C
9. Antonio Evil, P

That’s a whole lot of sly, evil menaces to tee off against the Cardinals. So long as there are no dick pics.

It’s not Reds-related or even NLC-related, but Chad Qualls’ stumble after a fist pump last night makes me snort ever time I see it.

Dusty Baker hasn’t given a single word of disapproval so far. Just goes to show that if Aroldis Chapman had just pumped his fist first, then those forward rolls wouldn’t have gotten him in any trouble.

The Padres handed the Reds their fourth loss in a row last night. This west coast visit started out so promising, but last night’s loss pulled the winning percentage for the road trip under the .500 mark.

I didn’t stay up for it myself, so I didn’t know that it was Chris “The Heartthrob” Denorfia that pounded the last nail into the coffin of the Reds’ hopes last night until I saw it on Facebook.

Aroldis Chapman came in to hold the 1-0 lead that the Reds had, walked the first guy he faced (Yonder Alonso), and then gave up the dinger. Maybe he should chalk it up to not having pitched in nine days.

You might think that Dino (and Alonso, I guess) was out for revenge against his former team, but 1) that would be an awfully long time to hold a grudge, and 2) Denorfia has not historically played that well against the Reds. His career line against Cincinnati is only .240/.240/.560, which makes the Reds one of his worst opponents.

He’s best against the Pirates with .344/.431/.607. Hopefully he’ll be showing that off when the Pirates make their late-season trip to San Diego in three weeks. The Reds could use some help beating up on the division leaders.

Incidentally, the Reds have never walked Denorfia. I guess they should have started last night.

Tonight we see another, much more recent, former Red in Edinson Volquez (RHP, 8-8, 5.70 ERA). He’ll be pitching against he for whom he was traded, Mat Latos (RHP, 10-3, 3.39 ERA).

You’ve got to like our chances in this one, with Latos coming off such a fine performance against the Dodgers and Volquez floundering a little lately. But we all know that no amount of excellent pitching will put runs on the board, and that’s what the Reds have been failing to do lately.

Ryan Ludwick

Ryan Ludwick was sent out on rehab assignment with the class A Dayton Dragons yesterday while they played the Lansing Lugnuts. Ludwick was the DH and had three plate appearances. He popped out, walked, and singled. Nice that he’s trying out all the possibilities. Perhaps tonight he could try out that home run muscle.

Ludwick has been out of the major league line-up since Opening Day. We may finally get him back in a couple more weeks.

Zack Cozart
Zack Cozart went 4-for-4 in the first game of the doubleheader against the Giants on Tuesday, but he wasn’t feeling as great about that as he should have been. Instead, he was pulled before the game was over with stiffness in his left hip. He did pinch hit (or “pinch struck out” as it were) in the second game, but he wasn’t in the lineup at all yesterday.

Cozart is listed as day-to-day.

Ryan Hanigan

Ryan Hanigan was looking good to come back to the Reds and relieve Corky Miller of the limelight behind the plate, but he did a few too many exercises and is now too sore to play. You’ve got to be careful when you hit your thirties; just a few more pilates than you’re used to can lay you up.

To be clear, the wrist that originally took him out is just fine. He’s just sore. He’ll be back in a few days.

Jonathan Broxton

Hey, remember Broxton? He threw his second bullpen yesterday and rocked it. He’ll throw a live bullpen session in LA, and we might have him back before the road trip is even over.