It’s been painfully quiet on the Reds news front lately, hasn’t it? If there were anything real to talk about, I wouldn’t be screwing around with second-place finishes in fake awards.

But there isn’t and I am, so here we go.

If the two stats provided here were the criteria by which this award is intended, then Phillips actually won. But since it’s a voting thing, he lost out to Asdrubal (like regular Drupal, only even harder to use thanks to the ass).

Not that I’d kick Cabrera out of the infield for eating crackers, but I think we all know that Phillips only lost this vote-a-thon because we’re all so confident in his superiority that we didn’t need to prove anything to the internet with a bunch of clicking on the Vote button.

Don’t worry guys: the Reds Caravan is coming to town next week, and we’ll have some actual stuff to talk about then.

I was going to post about the fact that the Reds avoided arbitration by coming to agreements with Homer Bailey, Bill Bray, and Paul Janish tonight. That is, I was until I went to Reds.com and came upon this press release calling for applications to be a Reds Rally Pack rallier.

CINCINNATI (Jan. 17, 2012) – The John Morrell Reds Rally Pack entertainment squad is looking for a few new members for the 2012 Reds season.

The John Morrell Reds Rally Pack is a fan interactive team that serves as ambassadors for Great American Ball Park. Through participating in pregame and in-game activities, greeting fans at the gates, tossing out victory balls and delivering birthday packages, this team knows how to get fans to feel welcome and on their feet at Reds game.

The Rally Pack performs at all home games and at many events throughout the community.

Tryout Expectations:

1. Must be 21 years or older
2. Must have a flexible schedule
3. Customer service and people skills are a must
4. Outgoing and able to talk to new people
5. Crazy/zany personality and willing to be silly in front of 40,000-plus fans
6. Willing to participate in creative promotions

Tryout Information:

1. Please complete application online at www.reds.com/rallypack
2. Only selected applicants will be invited the auditions on Feb. 4.
3. If you are selected, we will contact you by Feb. 1.

For more information, please contact Corey Hawthorne at (513) 765-7343 or chawthorne@reds.com.

The Rally Pack is a paid, seasonal position. The Cincinnati Reds are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

I’m not sure which part I like better: the fact that they try to get you to sign up for SMS alerts when you fill out the application, or the fact that, if chosen, you’ll apparently be rolled into a giant Reds Rally Katamari.

From Reds.com:

One by one, the Reds have been checking off their list of needs. Their latest move appears to have come on Monday night.

I’m not sure that signing a guy who was kinda good several years ago with the Cardinals but has been consistently declining ever since really qualifies as “checking off their list of needs.” Unless, of course, I’m misunderstanding entirely what “need” they’re talking about. But I digress.

MLB.com has learned through a source that outfielder Ryan Ludwick has agreed to a one-year contract with a mutual option for 2013. The dollar figure remains unclear, but the Reds weren’t expected to spend a lot to fill their opening for a fourth outfielder.

Well, I would hope not. Myself, I think they should have signed Austin Kearns. He’d be cheaper, similarly capable of blocking young guys, and would allow us to bust out the old “Fear the Ears” shirts.

I guess not all the moves can be winners; sometimes you’ve just got to fill a roster.

John Erardi of the Cincinnati Enquirer has a nice piece up today where he talks to Hall of Famer Tony Perez about what is about to change for recently elected Hall of Famer Barry Larkin.

It isn’t how you think of yourself that changes, Perez said.

It is how others think of you.

That is the biggest thing that will change for Larkin, Doggie predicted.

“Wherever Barry goes, that’s how he will be introduced now: ‘Hall of Famer Barry Larkin,'” said Perez. “On that one weekend a year, it changes the company you keep. That’s why you keep going back. Not only because they (the Hall of Fame officials) want you to, but because you want to. I love seeing those guys again.”

You should read the whole thing, as it includes a nice recounting of Tony Perez’s experience on being inducted and his first tour through Cooperstown.

Plus, if you have any memorabilia signed by Larkin, you’ll get to see how much its value has increased.

This weekend, the Cincinnati Reds signed a couple pitchers to minor league contracts with invites to Spring Training camp. Ron Mahay and Clay Zavada, both left-handed pitchers, will compete in Goodyear this Spring for major league spots.

Mahay is a journey-man pitcher who, at 40 years old, is clearly at the tail end of his career. Last year, he had a successful year with the Minnesota Twins, posting a 3.44 ERA (119 ERA+) over 34 innings.

Zavada was in the Arizona Diamondbacks’ minor league system before being released. Last year, he was with the AA team and made no appearances in the big leagues. His only major league experience was with the Diamondbacks in 2009, when he posted a 3.35 ERA (134 ERA+) over 51 innings.

Of course, the most important thing Zavada brings are his handlebars. He sports one of the finer mustaches in the league and will certainly be bringing some competition to Sam LeCure, Corky Miller, and Mr. Redlegs.