As I mentioned last week, we’ve been watching the Harry Potter series, all the way through, in preparation for the big premier on Friday. And as I witnessed yet another tragically horrid chapter in the life of young Harry, I realized that I watch way too many sad stories in my life, and I’m not even a Cubs fan.

But the Home Run Derby is the antidote, isn’t it? There are no death eaters or blown saves, just a bunch of brutish guys smacking gold-infused baseballs over walls into the hands of cheering fans. It’s the romantic comedy of sports activities.

Here’s the resulting info graphic from MLB.com:

It’s been a rough few weeks for Reds fans, as the ineptitude has built to a crescendo of crapitude. But I’ve got a funny feeling that the Cincinnati Reds’ losing ways are about to go on hiatus for a few days. Four, to be exact.

Hell, I don’t know whether a few days off are going to make a difference for the team, but I’m sure going to enjoy not having to watch CoCo Cordero give up any leads for a few days. I’ll just use the extra time to get some lawn work done, do some jogging, and remember how much fun it was to watch this team in May.

Check out the baseballs that will be used in the Home Run Derby this year.

That gold color is where the panel has been infused with actual 24k gold. They’ll only be for each hitter’s last out, so they’ll be super special in addition to being worth a whopping $149.99. The lucky fans who catch these won’t get just a memento with sentimental value, but also something that they can put in the safe at home.

Why in the heck ESPN is still picking up Reds games, I don’t know. I mean, FSOhio doesn’t really have a choice: the Reds are pretty much the whole reason they exist this time of year. But ESPN could be picking up anyone’s games. Have they seen how this team has been playing? The Pirates would be a whole lot more interesting at this point.

But worry not! Just because ESPN is stealing the stink-fest that is the July 24th game with the Braves from FSOhio, FSOhio is making up for it by picking up the August 11 stink-fest against the Rockies.

ESPN has selected the Reds July 24th game for national broadcast, which means FOX Sports Ohio can no longer air the game.

As replacement, FOX Sports Ohio will televise:

REDS VS ROCKIES
THURSDAY, AUGUST 11
12:30pm

HD coverage begins at noon with Reds Live Pregame Show.

See you there!