Daily Archives: December 30, 2005

December 30, 2005

Searching for Buried Fake News

Here at the end of December, the Nationals signing Ramon Ortiz counts as Reds news, so I cleaned my desk.

Among the piles of junk mail and technical writing magazines, I discovered drafts of a few fake news stories that I never got around to actually publishing. Seeing as I'm real bored, I decided it would be fun to blow the dust off these stories and publish them a teensy bit late.

This first one was set back in the middle of August. You might want to go read this story to jog your memory about the context.


Friday, August 19, 2005
Lindner Finds Way to Enjoy Reds' Season
Carl Lindner: Jerky BoyCINCINNATI, OH -- Reds' owner Carl Lindner has been busy on the phone lately.

Lindner got Ken Griffey Jr.'s heart pumping on Thursday when he called. However, Lindner wasn't calling about sending Griffey to Chicago, but rather to offer tickets to a tennis tournament.

Lindner sent a similar jolt through Rich Aurilia when he called at 5 this morning.

“I'm not a 10-5 guy, so I didn't know why a trade would require a call from the owner,” said Aurilia, “But I started getting really excited about it anyway.”

Aurilia's call began the same as Griffey's: a secretary announced that Lindner wanted to speak to him, followed by a long period of silence.

“But I don't think time was dragging on,” said Aurilia, “I think he actually left me hanging there for five minutes.”

Finally, Lindner answered the phone.

“He says, 'I bet you're wondering why I'm calling you,' and I say, 'I've got an idea,'” recounted Aurilia, “Then he says, 'You probably think I've got a trade in the works, right?' and I say 'Yeah.'”

That wasn't what Lindner had in mind, however. A couple of seconds of muffled laughter preceded Lindner's response.

“Then he all of a sudden shouts 'Psych!' and slams down the phone,” said Aurilia.

“It was really rude and immature.”

Asked to comment on the phone call, Lindner giggled like a little girl.

“After that, I called [Cardinals' manager] Tony La Russa and asked if he had his first baseman in a can,” hooted Lindner.