May 20, 2007

Crap Flying Monkeys for the Reds

If you read Deadspin and/or have a Crack Hard Facts Staff who sends you tips, you may have heard of Pee Your Pants for the Brewers!, a site where they ask Brewers fans to urinate on themselves at the moment the Brewers clinch a playoff appearance, if they should manage to do so. They have over 4400 people pledging to do such a thing so far.

Try as I might, I cannot fathom why you would want thousands of people to wet themselves concurrently. I can appreciate that fans humiliating themselves shows a certain dedication, but this particular manner of doing it just seems like it's going to make the city smell like the lady who was in charge of props at my community theater when I was a kid.

So I'd like to come up with a better demonstration of our fandom; something that demonstrates the depth of our dedication without actually grossing me out.

The Brewers pee-challenge is sort of appropriate because it's a beer town, and they may have drunk so much beer by that point that they have no choice anyway. To make it city-specific, perhaps we could have a Vomit Cincinnati chili for the Reds or (even better smelling) Pour Proctor and Gamble Products on your Dog for the Reds.

Perhaps more relevant than the city is the liklihood of it happening. The Brewers are hot out of the gate, so the stakes are relatively low. However, the Reds chances of making the playoffs are looking about a good as their chances of winning the Miss America pageant, so we need to up the ante a bit. How about Donate a Kidney for the Reds or Tell Your Mom About that Thing You Did in College for the Reds?

Clearly the opportunities are endless. I think that we need a contest. We're looking for your ideas for a pledge that Reds fans can make to do something embarrassing, wacky, and not-too-smelly if the Reds should go to the playoffs this year.

Put your ideas in the comments of this entry before 11:45 p.m. EDT Friday, May 25, 2007 to be entered in a drawing for some Reds stuff that I can't be too specific about because I've already packed it. I know I have a pom pom from the Reds Rally Pack, a baseball from the Sarasota Reds, and, of course, a copy of Red Hot Mama's Super Fun Activity Book for Kids.

3 comments to “Crap Flying Monkeys for the Reds”

  1. smartelf says:

    I would pledge to die my hair bright red… and since I hate Scott Spazio, you are not allowed to die your goatees or beards. If your bald I guess you pledge to paint your head.

  2. smartelf says:

    I’ll submit 1 more because my kid really wants that activity book 😉
    Let’s tattoo ourselves with a wishbone “C” — size and location is up to the individual.

  3. KC2HMZ says:

    Since I won the last one (Dick Pole Limerick), I’ll stay out of this one.