April 2, 2014

Cardinals Most Wanted

Wacha! Wacha!

Wacha Wacha Wacha!

Tonight is the Cincinnati Reds’ first night game of the season, and the team has turned it into quite the event. For Opening Night, players will walk a red carpet and provide autographs to fans, the broadcast crew wears tuxedos, there’s a team calendar giveaway, and after the game there are fireworks.

It’s a fun time, and I’ll be sad to be missing it for the second year in a row. But I’ll be at home, watching as the  St. Louis Cardinals send Michael Wacha to the mound to try to avoid a sophomore slump. Of course, I’ll be envisioning Fozzie Bear everytime he’s shown.

In honor of that, here’s some of Fozzie’s best worst jokes.

  • Fozzie: OK, so a guy asks me ‘Did you take a bath today?’ and I said Why is there one missing? Wacha Wacha Wacha!
  • Fozzie: What do you get when you put chocolate pudding in your mother’s shoes? Give up? You get a spanking! Wacha Wacha Wacha!
  • Fozzie: Why do movie stars have lots of fans? Give up? Because they’re HOT!
  • Fozzie: What did the big dragon say to the mouse? Give up. Nothing! Dragons can’t talk!
  • Fozzie: Did I tell you the one about the man with the light bulb in his nose? He was lightheaded! Get it? Wacha Wacha Wacha!
  • Fozzie: Why are fish so smart? Give up? ‘Cause they swim in schools.
  • Fozzie: Why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog. Wacha Wacha Wacha!

Hopefully, the Reds’ offense will have a presence in tonight’s game. While they’re continued absence could become quite a joke, it would never be as endearing as Fozzie.

The first pitch is scheduled tonight at 7:10 pm.

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