“Smells like a hot dog” was a rather random comment that Chris Welch made during tonight's broadcast, but I think it fits. That game did smell, maybe like a hot dog. An evil, evil hot dog.

There were a few high points I could mention, but instead I want to take a quick moment to talk about the Cubs. They are, indeed, lovable losers, but they are officious, obnoxious winners. We saw it tonight when they actually booed when their own pitcher, Chad Fox, left the game, his arm practically dangling from a thread off his shoulder joint. And again when Wily Mo Peña was greeted with catcalls and jeers as came in as the last batter of the game to finally put the Reds out of their misery.

It reminded me of a time last season when my husband and I had gone to the last home series against the Cubs. By that point, the Reds had already spoilt the Cubs' hopes for the wildcard, but the stands were still disorientingly filled with blue. It was actually intimidating. When, during the seventh inning stretch, the line “root, root, root for the CUBBIES!” overwhelmed every other sound in a 3-mile radius, I felt like I'd slipped into an alternate dimension.

Anyway, though the Cubs won that game, the fans were not content to have totally overtaken Great American. The crowd outside bordered on hostile and as we walked through the throng back to our car, a group of rowdy (read: drunk) Cubs fans were announcing to anyone who would listen “Reds suck!”

And, that's when, showing way more courage than I had in such hostile territory, my husband Jon shouted back, “Yeah? Well Cubs suck historically!”

Little comfort now, I suppose, but at the time, it smelt like victory. Sure smelt better than this damn hot dog.

MIAMI, FL -- Ken Griffey, Jr. announced that he would be undergoing extensive preventive surgery to reinforce all of his major tendons' connection to their respective bones. The surgery will take place when the team returns to Cincinnati on May 2.

Griffey underwent such a surgery in August 2004 to use titanium screws to reattach his right hamstring tendon that had pulled free from the bone. Though experiemental, the procedure appears to have been successful, resulting in the longest injury-free span for Griffey since he came to play in Cincinnati in 2000.

“I'm getting tired of people asking me if I'm OK,” said Griffey, “You guys have nothing to worry about. Titanium doesn't rust.”

Unfortunately, though the surgery has stopped the constant flow of injuries, recovery from the surgery has left Griffey hitting just .203 with no homeruns in 2005.

“I don't have anything I can compare my last surgery to, and I think people have sort of forgotten that,” Griffey said, “This recovery is tough, and I don't ever want to have to do it again. If I just go ahead and have all the tendons bolted down now, I can recover from them all at once and get it over with.”

Questions remain about whether reinforcing tendons can really help Griffey acheive his previous levels of greatness. “I'm confident that the procedure will return Griffey to the condition of a 25-year old,” said Reds' Medical Director Dr. Tim Kremchek, “And in case it doesn't, we're already working on a device that most certainly will: a time machine.”

Barring complications, Griffey is expected to be ready to play again in August. “We'll miss him,” said Manager Dave Miley, “But at least we'll be able to get some at-bats for some of our guys who are actually hitting.”

This is what happens when Yoda joins the coaching staff.

It's time for Star Wars Celebration, so y'all might not hear from me for a while. I might pop in for a quick hit over the weekend, but I expect to be back in full effect on Monday.

Go Reds!

I just now finished watching Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy for the first time, and I laughed my ass off. If you have not seen this movie, I suggest that you go find it right away. Not only did it leave me smiling at the random goofiness of it all, but it also left me with an inexplicably positive feeling about Adam Dunn.

It's a good thing that I don't make live posts during games, because the strings of expletives I'm liable to spew, especially when doofus umpires make bad calls again, would shock and horrify. When it comes to potty mouth, I do not exactly put the “lady” in “lady blogger.”

But since it all came out in the wash of a win, I'm willing to skip the aneurysm over the horrible call that resulted in Adam Dunn being called out for tagging up at third too early (as well as the secondary-but-just-as-infuriating refusal of the television announcers to come out and directly say that the ump was wrong, even though we could all see it in living color over and over again in the replays) and instead take solace in knowing that the scads of bad calls for the Reds so far this season are all adding up in their favor, baseball-karma-wise.

That was a long sentence. I need a moment to regroup. OK, better now. Let's hit the high points:

• Paul Wilson spared himself the need for martyrdom by showing a lights-out side of himself that we aren't used to seeing. Next thing you know, he'll be smiling, and then what? All Hell could break loose!
• Ryan Freel and Wily Mo Peña started in the outfield and Dunn started at first, which led to a much more natural and effective line-up, in my opinion. I understand that every single person in the greater Cincinnati area wants to bathe themselves in the gentle pool of light that constantly surrounds Sean Casey, but maybe they could do it in the dugout for the next few games while Dunner takes over at first to make some room in the outfield?
• Peña and, of all people, Rich Aurilia were responsible for all of the Reds runs, with three RBI apiece on two homeruns apiece. Aurilia's sudden burst of productivity came after shaving his goatee, hence the title of this post.

It's nice for a lady to retire with no need for expletives. Let's hope we can keep it that way.