CINCINNATI, OH -- Continuing a string of questionable managing decisions tonight, Jerry Narron pinch hit for Felipe Lopez in the bottom of the ninth inning with Juan Castro.

“I don't understand why everyone's so upset,” said Narron. “He's a late-inning replacement, right?” said Narron.

The Reds acquired Castro from the Minnesota Twins on Thursday for minor leaguer Brandon Roberts.

“I wanted to use [Quinton] McCracken, but he'd already struck out,” explained Narron.

Bullpen to the DL
Taking a cue from struggling starter Brandon Claussen, the entire bullpen has begun complaining of shoulder soreness. They've all been diagnosed with rotator cuff inflammation and will go on the 15-day DL.

“They've been hurt all along,” said Head Trainer Mark Mann, “they were just trying to stick it out for the good of the team.”

In their places will come up Brian Shackelford, Jason Standridge, Ryan Wagner, Jake Robbins, and Michael Gosling.

“Maybe they'll make us appreciate Rick White,” said Mann.

Dunn Steals the Show
Adam Dunn jumped up and down flailing his arms and spouting stupid jokes earlier today when something happened that would have put an uncomfortable amount of media attention on Ken Griffey, Jr. The event that would have caused the attention was immediately forgotten as the press crowded around to report on Dunn's antics.

It's a skill Dunn has honed to perfection. Recently he drew attention from Griffey's response to a comment by Eric Davis that Griffey should move to a corner field position. Dunn implied that he didn't know who Davis was and distracted the media, allowing Griffey to go on pretending the comment had never happened.

“I'll want him around next time I make a pitching change,” said Narron of Dunn.

OUR MISSION
Buy LaRue a Hit is an organization of Reds fans dedicated to ending the suffering of Reds' catcher Jason LaRue by helping him to return to form as an offensive non-liability.

THE NEED
Any color announcer can tell you that Jason LaRue couldn't buy a hit these days. At the time of this writing, the Reds' proud number one catcher was 1-for-his-last-30 at-bats. It's time for someone to step up and buy this guy a hit.

You might wonder why LaRue can't buy his own hits. The contract he signed this off-season gives him $3.6 million this year after all. Unfortunately, Dan O'Brien had worked a special clause into the contract to try to ensure his own job security.

14(b). Monies from said contract cannot be utilised for the purpose of acquiring helicopters, wolverines, hits, and/or lawn furniture without the express written consent of one Mr. O'Brien, hereafter known as THE EMPEROR.

HOW YOU CAN HELP
With your generous donation of just $750, you can help Jason go 2 for 4 in a game. Just $1400 will give him a double and 2 RBI. That's less than a dollar a day for four years.

So please, won't you look into your heart today and open your wallet for the team and the catcher that you love? Every little bit helps. Even just $20 will let Jason foul off a good pitch.

You have the power to make a real difference in the outcome of the Reds' season, but you have to take action. It's up to you.

UPDATE: Plans are in the works for Buy LaRue a Hit Day at Great American Ball Park! Watch for details!

The Reds re-signed Darrell May today, just three days after releasing the left-hander.

May had performed well for the AAA Louisville Bats in the two months he worked there, and it appears that his release was a mistake.

“[Releasing May] was a clerical error,” explained General Manager Wayne Krivsky to reporters this morning. “My notes showed that [Dan] O'Brien had signed him, so of course he had to go. When I realized he was one of my guys, we got him back right away.”

The Waterboy
The Reds' sudden return to form correlates with Ken Griffey, Jr. hand-delivering the line-up card before each game. To provide extra luck going into the series with the Cardinals, the team is asking Griffey to take on even more mundane tasks.

“Just little things,” said Manager Jerry Narron, “like handing out water and bubble gum.”

Griffey's teammates have even more tasks in mind.

“I'm hoping he can get my bat back from [Ryan] Freel,” said a mopey Adam Dunn. Dunn is 3 for his last 13 over four games with zero homers. Freel hit two home runs last night.

Another Man's Suffering
Tonight the Reds face the Cardinals, who are just coming off a losing series to the Cubs. The Cardinals have an ailing Jim Edmonds (who cannot run) filling in at first base while Albert Pujols is out of the game entirely.

“You hate to see a team with such a proud tradition hurting like that, and it's a shame that such a promising young talent…” Narron started before breaking into laughter. “Damn, I almost got through that with a straight face.”

CINCINNATI, OH -- Last night the Reds pulled a hoax on starting pitcher Bronson Arroyo to help him gain confidence in his own abilities.

The Reds have carried three catchers this year, at least in part because of Arroyo's preference for David Ross. With the hot start that Ross has had, the Reds have had many sweet offers for him, but have been reticent to deal him lest Arroyo implode.

“We needed to make him understand that it was him providing the quality starts,” explained manager Jerry Narron. “It didn't matter who he was pitching to.”

So, at Great American Ball Park he secretly replaced catcher David Ross with Jason LaRue to see if Arroyo could tell the difference. The result: seven innings of one-run baseball.

“I guess I had it in me all the time,” said Arroyo. “No matter who my catcher is.”

Are there plans to cut off that insipid hair while he sleeps?

“Not saying,” said Narron, hiding a blond wig behind his back.

CINCINNATI, OH -- All along, Reds' General Manager Wayne Krivsky has talked about providing enough players to give Manager Jerry Narron “options.” Today, he revealed that those weren't the options he was talking about.

“There's an obscure little rule in baseball that says if you have enough second basemen, you can send down your manager,” explained Krivsky.

It's not likely to come to that, as Narron's team has been performing very well so far.

“It's just an insurance policy,” said Krivsky. “I don't realistically foresee us calling up [triple-A affiliate Louisville Bats manager] Rick Sweet any time soon.

Castellini On All-Star Ballot
The All-Star game is widely regarded as a venue for the biggest impact players in the game of baseball. For the first time, the Reds have a good chance of having their owner voted in.

While past Reds' owners have certainly made an impact, none has made such drastically positive changes so quickly as Bob Castellini. It's been widely noted that Castellini has changed the tone of the Reds and set an expectation of winning.

“He's made a huge difference to this team,” said Reds' utility man Ryan Freel.

If Castellini is voted in, he vows to make his influcence felt.

“I want to bring a tradition of winning to the National League,” said Castellini.