MLB just issued a press release with the the results of fines and suspensions for this week’s brawl between the St. Louis Cardinals and Cincinnati Reds.

Major League Baseball has issued discipline to five players and the two managers as a result of the on-field incident that occurred in the bottom of the first inning of Tuesday’s game between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Cincinnati Reds at Great American Ball Park in Cincinnati . Bob Watson, Vice President of On-Field Operations for Major League Baseball , made the announcement.

Reds pitcher Johnny Cueto has received a seven-game suspension and an undisclosed fine for his violent and aggressive actions during the incident. Unless appealed, Cueto is scheduled to begin serving his suspension on Friday, when the Reds are scheduled to host the Florida Marlins. If appealed, the discipline issued to Cueto will be held in abeyance until the process is complete.

Reds manager Dusty Baker and Cardinals manager Tony La Russa each have received two-game suspensions and undisclosed fines as a result of their actions on Tuesday. Baker will serve the two-game suspension on Friday and Saturday as the Reds host the Marlins. La Russa will serve the two-game suspension on Friday and Saturday as the Cardinals host the Chicago Cubs.

Four players have been fined undisclosed amounts as a result of the incident: Cincinnati second baseman Brandon Phillips and pitcher Russ Springer, currently a disabled list player who came onto the field during the incident; and St. Louis catcher Yadier Molina and pitcher Chris Carpenter.

So the only player to receive a suspension is Johnny Cueto. Both managers will have to miss a couple games, but that’s unlikely to have any negative effect. (The joke could be made by both team’s fans that those will be the 2 best managed games all year.)

I saw the suspension for Cueto coming. I don’t think it was malicious, as I’ve felt the panic when dozens of people press against you, cramming you up against an immovable object. The fact that he caused a concussion to Jason LaRue and was wildly kicking does require some response. With off-days, I don’t think it will affect the Reds much.

I am surprised that Chris Carpenter, Yadier Molina, and Brandon Phillips received nothing. Molina and Phillips started it, with the chest bumping and shouting at each other. And then something Carpenter did or said caused it to ignite once the first calm had been reached. Perhaps the video that MLB receives has audio, though, and lets them know things we weren’t privy to.

So, last night, Brandon Phillips went to the press to let them know his opinion of the St. Louis Cardinals:

We have to beat these guys. I hate the Cardinals. All they do is bitch and moan about everything, all of them, they’re little bitches, all of ‘em. I really hate the Cardinals. Compared to the Cardinals, I love the Chicago Cubs. Let me make this clear – I hate the Cardinals.

Exquisite. I mean, it’s exactly what I’ve been saying since the opening series, but just beautifully put. The eloquence brings a tear to my eye.

And ain’t it the truth? Here’s an excerpt from a post here on RHM back in May:

The Cardinals don’t seem to realize what a serious problem they have. Carp getting huffy when someone shows frustration, Card bloggers saying Gomes shouldn’t flip his bat, Card commentators saying the umps should show respect to Pujols. It’s one thing to go onto the field expecting to win; it’s another thing to go onto the field expecting people to let you win. This sense of entitlement screams sick culture. If the Cards were a Fortune 500 company, they’d be on their way to hostile takeover.

See? Phillips said it a lot better.

And it hasn’t changed a bit since then. Carpenter was bitching at Brendan Ryan just yesterday for being a minute late getting on the field because he was back in the batting cage. How dare he make the great one wait for the likes of practicing?

And now today, as Phillips approached the plate to take his AB, Yadier Molina did the totally-non-bitchy thing and kicked his bat. Before you know it, the benches and the bullpens are cleared. In the words of a person who actually saw it:

But it erupted when Rolen went after Chris Carpenter. Several wrestling matches broke out. Johnny Cueto, the starting pitcher, could be seen kicking at someone.

Dusty Baker was in the middle of it, shouting at someone. A couple of players were in a pile on the ground. Jonny Gomes came out of it with a torn shirt.

It all ended with the manager ejected and the fans itching for more. There may be some street fights in the streets after the game. Tomorrow, we’ll think about suspensions, but tonight, we enjoy the glee that comes from smacking down a little bitch.

From CentreDaily.com, the first place that popped on Google with the story, though I’m sure it’s all over the place by now:

CINCINNATI — The NL Central-leading Cincinnati Reds got Jim Edmonds from the Milwaukee Brewers for Chris Dickerson on Monday, strengthening their outfield for a playoff run.

Let’s go to the quick hits:

• That’s right folks! Now that the Reds are finally fielding an outfielder over the age of FORTY, they are playoff ready.
• Having run out of currently good ex-Cardinals to sign, Walt Jocketty turns to those who were awesome in the 90s in his effort to Cardinal-ify the Cincinnati clubhouse. Next up: Mark McGwire.
• This just in: George Grande to come out of retirement.
• I just threw up in my mouth a little.

If the Reds go to the World Series this year, Dusty Baker will manage the NL All-Star team in 2011. Dude, that team would have an ass-load of Reds on it. Like, enough to make up for the last decade.

Of course, knowing Baker, that team would also have an ass-load of random crappy ex-Cubs. Corey Patterson, Neify Perez, and Jerry Hairston, Jr. FTW!