May 1, 2010

Pujols needs to have a Snickers

Wah Wah PujolsYou know the series of Snickers commercials where guys who are hungry turn into women? There’s the guy playing a pickup football game who turns into Betty White until he has the candy bar, and the guy on a road trip with his friends who bitches like a diva (Aretha Franklin) until he satisfies his pangs.

That’s what came immediately to mind for me when I heard about Albert Pujols’ hissy fit last night over Nick Masset’s fist pump in celebration of inducing an inning-ending double play while Pujols was on base. That’s right, Masset didn’t point and laugh, didn’t stick out his tongue, didn’t even stare the guy down. Pujols apparently just thinks it’s offensive for anyone to be pleased they did well, though apparently it’s fine for him to get his feelings all hurt over it. It’s such wussy bitching that I figure the slugger had to have been hungry after the rain delay.

Which, I think, could make an excellent continuation of the series of Snickers commercials. Here’s how I see it going:

A co-ed beer-league softball team, all wearing matching company t-shirts, is on the field. Albert Pujols steps up the plate and takes an underhand pitch that the ump calls a strike. He screams at the ump and falls on the ground, throwing a tantrum.

Teammate on first base: C’mon, Danny! You’re crying like Albert Pujols out there!
Coach: Here Danny, eat this.
Batter: But that was a BALL!
Coach: Just eat it, you little bitch.
Coach: Better?
Batter: (turned back into a normal person) Better.

Batter goes back to the plate and participates in the meaningless game without getting all huffy and self-important about it.

I think it could be a big money-maker. I know it would inspire *me* to buy more Snickers, if only to mail them to Pujols.

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