Apparently, when I was watching the Cincinnati Reds destroying the competition early this season, Major League Baseball’s drug policy was destroying Manny Ramirez’ attempts at cheating.

“Major League Baseball recently notified Manny Ramirez of an issue under Major League Baseball’s Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program,” MLB said in a statement.

“Rather than continue with the process under the program, Ramirez has informed MLB that he is retiring as an active player. If Ramirez seeks reinstatement in the future, the process under the Drug Program will be completed. MLB will not have any further comment on this matter.”

The upshot is that Ramirez faces a 100-game suspension for his second positive drug test should he ever want to return to baseball.

But that’s not what my post is about. That’s just the back story. What this post is about is one of the greatest Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy references I’ve ever seen in a sports story. That link takes you to a post by Craig Calceterra talking about some ridiculous comments made by another writer, who essentially blamed Ramirez’ cheating on getting manager Bob Melvin fired from first the Seattle Mariners and then the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Those are both teams that Ramirez never played for, so how does that argument work? Because Melvin’s team didn’t make the playoffs because Ramirez cheated to get his teams to the playoffs. And that, as Calceterra quips, makes Mevin “Agrajag to Manny’s Arthur Dent, continually reincarnated as the next Casey freakin’ Stengel, only to be subsequently killed by Manny, except unlike Arthur Dent, Ramirez did it with malice aforethought.”

Just beautiful. Now, does anyone have some spare time? I’d love to have some to devote to some re-reading of Douglas Adams between Reds games.

Now you, too, can add to the fun of baseball by introducing pencil and paper!

Learn how to score a baseball game on April 14 at the Reds HOF

Baseball Perspectives Series: Ron Roth, Reds Official Scorekeeper

CINCINNATI (April 11, 2011) — Have you ever wanted to learn how to score a baseball game?

Ron Roth, the official scorekeeper for the Cincinnati Reds, will teach fans the basics and finer points of scoring a game at the Reds Hall of Fame & Museum on Thursday, April 14 from 5:30 to 7 p.m.

One of the most experienced and respected scorekeepers in the game, Ron will show more than 20 different plays from the 2010 season that MLB reviewed and give you the opportunity to make the call.

This event is free with Museum admission. Admission is $10 for adults, $8 for students/seniors and $6 for active military/veterans. The Reds Hall of Fame & Museum is open seven days a week now through October and is closed on Mondays November-March. To purchase admission tickets or for additional information, visit RedsMuseum.org or call (513) 765-7923.

I was initially hesitant to link to this because I didn’t want to reward MLB’s draconian and asinine policies on sharing and embedding videos, but really, it’s worth it. I mean, my principles aren’t really worth not viewing this epic failure last night by the St. Louis Cardinals.

First, I’ll set the stage. The Cardinals’ offense continues to be non-existent, but it had scratched together a 1-run lead. Closer–and former Cincinnati Red–Ryan Franklin was on in the 9th. He’d managed two outs, but had also allowed two runners to get on.

That’s when former Houston Astro Miguel Tejada came to the plate and delivered this walk-off hit.

What I really love is that the loss was a team effort. It wasn’t just Franklin. Center fielder Colby Rasmus failed to catch the ball, and both Rasmus and left fielder John Jay failed to communicate.

I fully expect the Cardinals to rebound and become competitive this season. But that’s not going to take away any of my enjoyment from them starting off so horribly in 2011. They’re 2-6 and 4 games behind the first-place Reds.

Boxscore

In case you missed it last night–it was a later game than usual–the Cincinnati Reds did not fare well in their return to Arizona. They were crushed by the Diamondbacks, losing 13-2.

Travis Wood started, and it was evident from the very beginning that he didn’t have his best stuff. He allowed 2 runs in the first and another in the second. He settled down for a bit, pitching scoreless 3rd, 4th, and 5th innings, but lost in the 6th. After 4 batters and some more runs, he was pulled. His final line was 5 innings, 6 runs–all earned, 4 strikeouts, and 2 walks.

The bullpen wasn’t able to stop the bleeding and give the offense hope of making up the deficit, either. Matt Maloney had a night he’ll want to forget as he allowed 7 runs in just 1 2/3.

As for the offense, they were quiet, contributing just two runs. Brandon Phillips had a sacrifice fly in the 3rd, and Joey Votto had a solo shot in the 9th. That was it. They didn’t even leave a bunch of guys on base this time, just 6.

So the Reds now have their first losing streak of the season at 2. Clearly, it’s time to panic. With just a half game lead over the Pittsburgh Pirates, it’s clear this season is in serious jeopardy.

Unless they win again today when Bronson Arroyo starts against Daniel Hudson. First pitch is 8:10pm EDT.