April 19, 2005

A Sort-of Conversation with George and Chris

At our house, we watch as many games as possible on Fox Sports Ohio, where we are treated to the wit and wisdom of George Grande and the man he describes every night as “The Crappy Lefty,” Chris Welch. Actually, he's probably saying “Crafty,” but I challenge you to hear an F and a T in his pronunciation. I wish he were saying “crappy,” because Welch sort of was, and I would definitely enjoy that sort of ribbing througout their broadcast. However, since George isn't even willing to say the word “Damn” in “Best Damn Sports Show Period,” I don't think that's likely to happen soon.

Nevertheless, the two provide us limitless opportunities to make fun of them and the game. In fact, our running “conversation” with George and Chris is really what makes watching losses like tonight's bearable.

For example, after Normar Garciaparra's Felipe-Lopez-like throw to first base in the bottom of the fourth that allowed Rich Aurilia to get on base, this conversation ensued.
George Grande: Nomar always has been an unconventional thrower: side-arm, underhand…
Jon: …granny-style.

Or take, for instance, this exchange I shared with Welch as he described Mark Prior's pitching style.
Chris Welch: There are two parts to Prior's game. There are the strikeouts, but there is also…
Red Hot: …the delicate pressed-flower collection.

Here's a particularly corny one later in the game, as I was getting desperate for any kind of humor at all as Joe Randa stepped up to the plate:
George Grande: Randa steps in at .333
Red Hot: Gosh, he hasn't picked up that much weight.

And finally, my favorite of the night.
George Grande: I don't know about you, but I'm not a big fan of these two-game series.
Chris Welch: I don't know who is a fan of them.
Red Hot: I heard your mama likes two at a time.

In that last one, of course, I'm referring to asprin. I would never say anything disrespectful of George Grande's mother, who, he announced during a game just the other day, just turned 99 years young. Damn!

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