April 1, 2011

Arroyo succumbs to Gulf Oil Toxicity, Reds Press Onwards

Today was a nice win, but it doesn’t blot out the shining weakness that was a strength just a few weeks ago: the starting pitching. Volquez, as #1 starter is expected to absorb something like 220 innings. How is he going to do that when his pitch count is usually in the mid 50s by the 3rd inning?

Bronson Arroyo (he of the golden hair and rubber arm) is struggling with some kind of upper respiratory problem that had doctors scratching their heads, leading to tests. Inititally the tests were for something bizarre called ‘Valley Fever’ but then suddenly the much more well-known Mononucleosis (aka Mono) became the final prognosis. If you know Bronson like I know him, you know he is on his yacht during the offseason, somewhere in the Flordia Keys or thereabouts.

Bronson, as an athlete, is unfortunately insulated from independent news outlets such as this one. He probably relies on getting his information from the Main Stream Media aka MSM. That can be deadly. The MSM will have you believe the Oil Spill is a thing of the past and you can eat Atlantic Lobster at $9.99/lb. Nevermind the countless independent reports citing oil just beneath the sand, of insane amounts of aerial Corexit spraying, and of vast die-offs of marine life. So forgive me for thinking that Bronson maybe inhaled some of this poisonous vapor cocktail while patroling about on the SS Curveball.

The good news is that he is under treatment and out of that toxic environment. If anything, Arroyo has proven to be a resilient character having never touched the DL as a Red, if memory serves me correctly.

Nontheless one must be concerned at the state of the starting pitching staff. Arroyo is recuperating from illness, Cueto has a mystery arm ailment, and Volquez can’t keep his pitch count at reasonable levels to last deep into a ballgame. I almost forgot that Homer Bailey is gone for an unspecified time period, and is not even throwing a ball these days.

The good news is the Aroldis Chapman is lurking in the shadows. You’d think this would be the opportune time to stretch him out as a long reliever and prepare a transition to the starting rotatation. Things would be looking mighty good at that point and might even have Pete Rose looking more cheerful than this:

Pete Rose Transcendent Outfit

As always, be sure to stockpile food, water, firearms, gold and silver coins, and alternative medicines…. and like that old cop on Hill Street Blues used to say: “Stay Safe Out There.”

AND GO REDS!

THC REED
Red-Hot-Mama.com Contributing Writer

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