Daily Archives: October 1, 2005

October 1, 2005

Fun With Mean-Spirited Headlines

Image via JD

I woke up this morning and thought to myself, “Self, if there's one thing I haven't done enough of this season, it's cruelly make fun of the hair, clothes, and spelling ability of Cardinals' fans.” How fortuitous that I should then come across this particular photo on Red Reporter.

Possible headlines that come immediately to mind:

  • St. Louis Eighth Grader to Compete in National Spelling Bee
  • Brian Morans Makes Embarrassing Spelling Mistake
  • Missouri Suffers Shortage of 'Mustache Rides 10¢' T-Shirts

I feel bad about myself. He's probably a real nice, hard-working guy. But the smack must be talked!

October 1, 2005

Dear Cincinnati Reds,

Hey, how's it going? I bet you guys have been really busy, packing up all your stuff and settling all your plans for the off-season. I imagine these last few days of the season are like the last few days of school when all you can think about is it being over and how you're going to stay up all night playing video games. Only you don't have to get a summer job at Dairy Queen.

Things are pretty good here. The family's doing OK. Work sucks. My primary hobby, writing about baseball, is about to get a lot more abstract. I'm trying to get the most out of these last few games, even though they don't mean much.

Which is actually why I'm writing. Listen, while these last games are a bummer for YOU, there are still a few people out here trying to enjoy them. You don't have to like us, but you do have to respect us. Without us, you have to get a real job.

Respect for your fans was not what I was seeing last night. You committed five errors, but it wasn't just “one of those nights.” You didn't even try. You know, I have guests over for these games with the Cardinals, and last night you embarrassed me in front of them. I would never embarrass you in front of your friends.

Look, I appreciate that it's hard and that you want it over with. But some of us are still showing up for your games. The least you could do is show up yourselves.