Saturday Morning Raps
By
Amanda
Posted at 9:28 am
Man, I'm bored. Are you bored? I'm bored.
I was briefly not bored yesterday when I saw that the spring training schedule is now available, but it didn't last. I tried to be interested in this Burns character the Reds picked up off waivers from the Astros, but I just can't. I wanted to make some genius observation about the piddling movement on the 40-man roster, but I lack the attention span.
About the only Reds-related thing that has held my attention over the last week has been this interview with Austin Kearns.
Who was the biggest influence on your life, outside of your parents?
Probably just a couple of my best friends, as far as always being themselves. It's not like anybody's got a big head or anything. It's just people who keep me grounded. I've got two best friends back home, Chris and Jared, who I hang out with all the time.
Interesting that he mentions two of his other friends by name, but not Dunn. In fact, he doesn't mention Dunn in the entire interview. Huh.
If you could have dinner with any celebrity, who would it be and why?
Golly, that gives you some possibilities right there! I've got to think of some chicks! I'm trying to think who the best one going is. If I had to pick a dude, I'd probably say Brett Favre. But if it's a female, hmm. … Let me think about that. There's so many.
Kearns says “Golly”?
He eventually settled on Angelina Jolie, so this seems like a pertinent time to mention that I look just like Angelina Jolie, only I'm not flat-chested. In fact, the paparazzi are constantly running up to me in the street yelling “Angelina! Who did your boobs?” No really.
What's your biggest pet peeve?
People being late. I like to be on time. I don't like having to wait.
Me too. I hate to wait. I wish the Reds would hurry up and do something interesting.
Man, I'm bored.
So, Angelina if I could have dinner with any celebrity it would be you. Kearns and I have the same taste but I am a better choice for the night out. I don’t say "golly," I don’t confuse everybody by not mentioning my true best friend in Adam Dunn, and I don’t fluctuate from being a potential superstar to something mediocre. I am mediocre to the max so you know what to expect. All he has on me is that he could be one of the best baseball players in the game. So, what is your decision?
I’m just afraid you’d fly all the way in from Wyoming and be like, "you’re no Angelina Jolie: you don’t wear a vial of blood around your neck [i]OR[/i] make out with your brother!"
And then I’d get all mad, call you "just short of mediocre," and storm off. Then we’d stop speaking until we ran into each other at some group outing for Strike 3’ers but it would be all weird and awkward and would ruin the trip for everyone.
RRB, you’re very special to me, and I think I just value what we have too much to risk it, you know?
Dammit, thats the harshest turn-down I have ever received. actually, it is the first turn-down I have ever gotten. But I had to try and you can’t blame a fan for wanting to meet you.
I guess I will simply have to get enjoyment by watching your movies, but do me a favor. In your next role, just mention the word "red" and we will be cool. I will know you are thinking of me then. I will be watching!
[i]That[/i] was your first turn down? Dawg, you need to hit on hotter chicks.