Daily Archives: May 2, 2006

May 2, 2006

Brandon Phillips on Cold Pizza

OK, I've now had two entirely separate people tell me that they saw Brandon Phillips on Cold Pizza today. Here's what my brother said (via Yahoo! Messenger) about the interview:

he gave a lot of riveting answers containing phrases such as “we're just taking it one day at a time” and “were just trying to have fun out there”

I'm surprised he didnt throw in a 110% reference

Sounds like I picked a hell of a day to work through lunch.

May 2, 2006

Womack Gone, Heartthrob Returns

According to Marc, Tony Womack is officially no longer a part of the Reds' organization. Eight days after designating him for assignment, the Reds have given him his unconditional release.

Ouch, man. But you know this is a good thing for the team. If O'Brien were still in charge, Womack would be starting every day at second.

Also according to Marc, Cody Ross is going on the DL and Chris Denorfia is taking his place. Apparently Marc thought that Griffey would be reactivated. Apparently he didn't read my fake news.

Hey, the Reds are the proud owners of the best record in baseball, and they did it with Ken Griffey, Jr. biding his time in the clubhouse, putting Ben Gay in people's jocks or whatever the hell he does when he's bored.

Frankly, I'd rather have the Heartthrob spelling Freel. I don't think Griffey's much of a speller.

May 2, 2006

Cardinals Glad They’re Out of First

CINCINNATI, OH -- After years of dominating the National League Central, the St. Louis Cardinals find that they're relieved to be looking up to someone else for a change.

The Cincinnati Reds and St. Louis Cardinals entered yesterday's game tied for first place in the division, but after a 1-6 victory, the Reds found themselves in sole possession of the number one spot. Much to their surprise, the Cardinals were happy for them.

“It was nice to be shut down at the plate,” explained Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols. “There's so much pressure to hit a home run. Being totally dominated is a nice change of pace.”

“When you're sharing the field with [Ryan] Freel, you're simply not going to be the best short, scrappy white guy in the game,” said Cardinals short stop David Eckstein. “It makes it so you're not always on the spot.”

Even Manager Tony LaRussa was happy to get out of the spotlight.

“I even got to take off these stupid sunglasses for a minute,” said LaRussa. “I might like to leave them off all season.”

May 2, 2006

Reds Fever strikes Cincinnati

Procter & Gamble has reported increased absenteeism. Mechanics are seeing more and more engine damage due to people's failures to get their oil change. Wendy's restaurants in Cincinnati complain that people are ordering Big Macs and Whoppers at their stores more than ever. Bethesda Hospital has noticed an increase in insomnia cases from people who won't go to sleep for fear that it “might all end.”

What has the city all out of sorts? Call it Reds Fever.

It's one month into the season and the Cincinnati Reds have the best record in baseball at 18-8. They had more wins in the month of April than any previous Reds team in history. They have won or tied every series that they've played in so far, except for one. And they lead the defending division champions by one game and the defending league champions a game and a half.

And the city of Cincinnati doesn't know what to do with itself.

“After the Bengals went to the playoffs last fall, I thought it couldn't get any better,” says Cincinnati native Al Kayhol. “But now with the Reds winning too, my perception of reality has been destroyed. The other day I tried to take a shower in my dishwasher.”

Fans like Liz Beyin have seen their lifelong habits mysteriously forgotten. “I went to the game Monday and ordered 31 hot dogs,” Beyin said, “and I'm a vegetarian. PETA is definitely going to kick me out of the group now.”

Kayhol and Beyin are not alone in their befuddlement. Stories are all over the city about fans forgetting to put pants on before going to work, cutting their grass with scissors, and paying almost three dollars a gallon for gas.

“People in this city are in a total state of euphoria,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Iman Idyut. “They are doing things that you would never expect to see from normal citizens. And if the team keeps winning like they have been, we will likely see an increase in the amount of unusual behavior as the season goes on. People have lost all sense of who they are now that the local teams are winning.”

Dr. Idyut reminds people to be safe with their celebration and try to keep some perspective.

“The Reds' success is definitely something to be excited about. After so many years of suffering for their teams in this city, fans have the right to be joyful. But the important thing is to try to keep grounded in what is happening around you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go walk my car and shave my bowling ball.”

May 2, 2006

Episode 10: Game 12

In episode 7 and episode 9, you got to hear the smack talk that Bellyscratcher, I, and our gentleman friends shared for game 11 in the new Busch Stadium in St. Louis.

Today, to continue commemorating the Reds-Cardinals series (already half-won by the Reds!), we're posting episode 10 which details game 12 from April 16. You'll notice that there's not as much commentary as there had been for the previous game: we were a little tired after a weekend of beer.

I was struck by the culture of fandom in the city of St. Louis. Not just at the games, but everywhere you looked people on the street were walking around in their team colors. Cardinals merchandise is available everywhere. There's not a thing you can't have with a Cardinals logo on it: barbecue sets, bathrobes, there's probably even a toilet brush.

The few people we saw walking around in Reds gear saw us and, apparently feeling like we in the minority needed to band together, acknowledged us without fail. A few Cardinals fans felt the need to acknowledge us too. On the walk back to the car after this game, a man in his 40s gave us the finger-and-thumb L on the forehead, which made him look super cool, let me tell you. I sat there grinning at the idiot, but Bellyscratcher was nice enough to tell him off on our behalf.

Episode 10: Game 12. (11.9 MB, 17:23)

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