Rockies Forfeit Due to Lack of Balls
DENVER, CO -- The Colorado Rockies will forfeit tonight's contest against the Cincinnati Reds after a humidor break-down decimated their supply of baseballs.
The Rockies' Senior Director of Engineering and Facilities, James Wiener, noticed the break-down that ruined the baseballs late this afternoon.
“[Rockies' reliever Ray] King asked me for some of his balls to play with,” said Wiener. “He'll only play with his own balls. We keep them in a sack up against the wall in the humidor.”
“I noticed right away that something wasn't right because his balls were blue,” explained Wiener. The bluish tint seems to have appeared when, after splitting or winning all their series, the Rockies failed to seal the deal with the Braves.
Wiener's fears were confirmed he he touched King's balls. “They were all way too small. Even the sack was dry and shriveled up.” He soon discovered that all of the teams' baseballs were destroyed.
“You should have seen the guys' faces when I told them they didn't have any balls,” said Wiener, shaking his head.
FedEx will deliver a new supply of balls in the morning.
“That's great,” said Reds' reliever, Kent Mercker, “But who's going to deliver them some testicles?”