Rockies Forfeit Due to Lack of Balls
By
Amanda
Posted at 5:43 pm
DENVER, CO -- The Colorado Rockies will forfeit tonight's contest against the Cincinnati Reds after a humidor break-down decimated their supply of baseballs.
The Rockies' Senior Director of Engineering and Facilities, James Wiener, noticed the break-down that ruined the baseballs late this afternoon.
“[Rockies' reliever Ray] King asked me for some of his balls to play with,” said Wiener. “He'll only play with his own balls. We keep them in a sack up against the wall in the humidor.”
“I noticed right away that something wasn't right because his balls were blue,” explained Wiener. The bluish tint seems to have appeared when, after splitting or winning all their series, the Rockies failed to seal the deal with the Braves.
Wiener's fears were confirmed he he touched King's balls. “They were all way too small. Even the sack was dry and shriveled up.” He soon discovered that all of the teams' baseballs were destroyed.
“You should have seen the guys' faces when I told them they didn't have any balls,” said Wiener, shaking his head.
FedEx will deliver a new supply of balls in the morning.
“That's great,” said Reds' reliever, Kent Mercker, “But who's going to deliver them some testicles?”
You mean, like, Chicago?
That’s not nice. I really do like Griffey. Just hard not to notice how much the team hasn’t suffered without him.
First I see Jimmy Fallon dancing around on taxicabs with Pepsi, now there he is talking about AIDS… who sells the commercial time for FSNOhio? Sheesh!
well, with our catcher shortage, we could always try Dunn back there…
(at catcher, that is)
Heh. I doubt he could crouch low enough for the umpire to see.
I think that “gentlemen’s agreement” clause-thing in his contract keeps him from being behind the plate, probably so that he doesn’t embarass himself… because he’s never done that in left.
He could always try short!
“The righty comes in to try and make this a non-Holliday.”
Oh, Chris.
LoL… way to go George, going to break talking about the third out being at second, and not the called third strike at home plate.
Chris can’t resist a bad pun. He should write headlines for the Cincy papers.
Aurilia’s got a “strained groin.” Ouch.
Mesa has a lavender glove. It really brings out his eyes.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Chriss Hammond and his amazing 16.20 ERA!
Hammond?? This isn’t mop-up!
Same thought here
That must have brought the Ernie down to a more respectable 12 or so.
One of these days: single digits, baby!
I smell a possible fake news topic! …it’s a great goal.
What’s up with Fuentes’ delivery? That looks painful.
Come on, Dunn… get a hit. Or just get on base, I’m tired of these ground ball outs.
Go kick his ass, Dunn! That plate is yours!
Well, just think… tomorrow they’re gonna score at least six runs.
Damn, that sucked. But tomorrow, our ace takes on the Pirates’ pitching cast-off. Better things are ahead!
Thanks for coming over, ladies. Same bat time, same bat place tomorrow. I’ll be doing a little post-project celebrating after work, but I should be back (and already working on a buzz) by the time the game starts tomorrow.