December 22, 2006

Speculation Swirls Over Griffey’s Broken Hand

You've probably heard by now that Ken Griffey, Jr. broke his throwing hand in a household accident. He's in a plaster cast for three weeks, and the team isn't releasing any more information than that.

Marc points out that the secrecy is just inviting speculation of the nature of the accident and the severity of the break:

You've probably seen by now that the Reds aren't going to release anything but the basic information Trent was kind enough to post earlier about the Griffey injury.

That's Griffey's call -- more so under the new Collective Bargaining Agreement, which further limits the disclosure of injury-related information. The argument certainly could be made to Griffey -- and no doubt has been -- that it probably would make things easier if the Reds just said what happened, to discourage speculation that inevitably will veer into the ridiculous. But he chose not to go that route, so there you have it.

Here at Red Hot Mama, we grin wickedly at the thought of providing some of that inevitably ridiculous speculation. In fact, I would feel like I was doing you a disservice if I didn't provide some unconfirmable and (probably) wildly inaccurate information.

So here goes.

I heard Griffey broke his hand while playing the Wii. You just know he has a Wii. He probably had the first one off the line. He probably already has sprites of himself built into all the games.

You know how the Wii-mote has you swinging your arms all over the place? He was taking a big tennis swing and knocked his hand, full-speed, into his solid-gold, life-size Chia Pet. Not only did it break his hand, but a bunch of the Chia seeds got embedded in his skin. They're now sprouting like crazy.

Worse yet, when he was jumping up and down in pain from the hand thing, he knocked his head something fierce on the over-sized replica of his own bat that hangs from his ceiling, temporarily losing his vision.

So let that be a lesson to all you kids out there. Don't play with your Wii so much: it will make your palms hairy and cause you to go blind.

7 comments to “Speculation Swirls Over Griffey’s Broken Hand”

  1. BubbaFan says:

    Whatever it was, it can’t be more ridiculous than these [url=]true baseball injuries[/url]. At least he’s never tried to iron his shirt while he was in it.

  2. Zeldink says:

    But what’s the involvement of this pussy?


  3. GriffeyIsADud says:

    Yea, he broke it playing a Wii. LOL I have heard it all. Get Real! This Idiot was trying to take a swing at his wife and hit the wall instead. Why so secretive about the injury? He doesn’t want anyone to know the TRUTH! Here is the truth, What has he done for this team since he has been here? Collect a FREE paycheck! What a loser this guy is!

    Marty and Cunningham called him and Dunn an embarrassment to this city and I agree! Keep rooting for these morons and continue to watch the losing the FREE paycheck collecting. All of you guys deserve each other!

    We get our real Reds back in 2009 when this LOSER is gone! Bank on it!

  4. KC2HMZ says:

    I think he punched a wall after learning they traded for Conine.


  5. smartelf says:

    Umm… if Griffey can’t even make contact on a swing vs his wife, than how do you explain 4 or 5 game winning hits last season? You sound like a very bitter fan that seeks to scapegoat Griffey for the losing ways despite the fact the team was rock bottom in pitching this decade with the exception of last year when they finally put together a decent season… coincidence? No… griffey is not the problem, although more health would have been nice. If he beat his wife don’t you think we’d have some 911 calls or police involvement? The guy has a spoteless record for his entire career… maybe he just doesn’t feel like explaining what happened… ever heard of PRIVACY? Guess not.

  6. Jamie Roth says:

    Spectacular. Red Hot Mama I think this is the funniest post I’ve seen in awhile. I laughed out loud on this one.

  7. Red Hot Mama says:

    Welcome GriffeyIsADud and Jamie Roth. I always love to see new faces round the ol’ comment pages. If by “see”, you don’t actually mean “see” at all. Which I do. Or don’t, rather.

    So I think we should all agree that the next time we see Griffey we ask him not to play with his Wii during the season. It’s clearly too dangerous.