Daily Archives: July 31, 2009

July 31, 2009

Walt Jocketty Breaks Dusty Baker’s Heart

In a move no doubt to help the Cincinnati Reds at their battered catching position, the Reds sent Jerry Hairston, Jr. to the New York Yankees for minor league catcher Chad Weems. With Ramon Hernandez on the DL and Ryan Hanigan day-to-day, this probably had to be done simply to limp to the finish of the season. But it does leave the team even emptier in the outfield.

Plus, you know Dusty Baker had to have a single, solitary tear trail down his cheek. The only way he’d full-out bawl like dealing with Corey Patterson last year would be if golden-child Willy Taveras were traded.

In other, hard-to-deal-with-trade-deadline news, Walt Jocketty acquired his man-crush, Scott Rolen. The Reds had been linked with Rolen for weeks, but I’d kind of hoped it wouldn’t happen. The Reds gave up a lot for an aging, injury prone 3rd basemen: Edwin Encarnación, reliever Josh Roenicke, and pretty good pitching prospect Zach Stewart. Rolen will be a boost in defense over worst 3rd-basemen-I’ve-ever-seen EdE, but the price is steep.

The trade for Rolen has to be for next year. The Reds have zero chance this year. (The only way they have a chance next year is if Baker isn’t the manager. Regardless of off-season acquisitions.) Is the market for competent 3rd basemen really that empty?

We’ll see. Either Jocketty’s gone senile by working on a daily basis with Baker–he did sign Taveras for two years–or he’s simply attempting to rebuild his success with the St. Louis Cardinals. Literally.

July 31, 2009

Androstenedione Side Effects

SILVER SPRING, MD – The FDA this morning released a report containing previously unknown side effects of the drug Androstenedione.

Androstenedione is an anabolic steroid precursor; it is a steroid that does not itself cause muscle growth, but can be converted by the body into such a steroid. Known side effects of the drug included testicular atrophy, impotence, and the development of female characteristics such as breast enlargement.

The newly discovered side effects of the drug include unusually long hair growth, a predisposition to wear corn rows, and tendency to play shitty grunge guitar. Other rare but serious side effects, such as abnormally strong attachments to particular catchers, are still being investigated.

Upon hearing the story, Cincinnati Reds starting pitcher Bronson Arroyo told reporters, “well that explains a lot.”