November 11, 2005

Friday Night Raps: Adam Dunn

Nothing in common but this trust
I'm like a minus, she's like a plus
One going up, one coming down
But we seem to land on common ground
When things go wrong we make corrections
To keep things moving in the right direction
Try to fight it but I'm telling you Jack

It's useless, Opposites Attract

Back in June I started a human league entry for Adam Dunn, but I never posted it because it sucked. In fact, none of my human league ideas were working, and I couldn't pinpoint what I didn't like about them. So I shut down the category until I could figure out exactly how these profiles were failing to satisfy my needs.

Five months later, my standards have apparently tanked, because this Human League entry doesn't look so bad anymore. And, what with all the recent talk of trading Dunn, I figure I probably better take my opportunity to post it now. Besides, it's sort of fun to remember back to June before all hope was entirely lost for 2005. Sigh. We were so naive back then.


The Human League series contains profiles of Reds players to cover the stuff that matters to me about baseball players. I don't embarrass myself by trying to write any deep statistical analysis: there are plenty of competent people doing doing that already. The Human League profiles are just supposed to give beginners a sense of what a guy's about as a person and a player.

That being said, it's also important to note that this information is based on nothing but Internet research and my own observations. I have no intention of being impartial or exhaustive, but I do welcome your additions, corrections, complaints, hell send me your shopping list if you want to.

Today, let's take a closer look at Adam Dunn.


Till next week, keep on kickin' it with animated cats.

9 comments to “Friday Night Raps: Adam Dunn”

  1. JinAZ says:

    Wow, you’re a much better match with him than I am (though apparently we’re quite "physically" compatable…whatever that means…)
    physical: 96%
    emotional: 22%
    intellectual: 84%
    total: 68%

  2. redsrbetter says:

    My grocery list:

    bread, milk, corona, top ramen, boneless chicken breast, cheese, and lunch meat.

    Great write up on Dunn. I am also one that isnot as much in love with Dunner as most people are. But he is still good enough for me to stand up off my couch in hopes for a big bomb off his bat every time he steps up to the plate. Worth keeping around? Yes, unless we can get some freaking pitching.

  3. Red Hot Mama says:

    Ooh, tough luck, J. But hang in there; I’m sure you’ll find that deep emotional connection you’re looking for. Dunn is not the only fish in the sea.


    Hi redsrbetter,
    Now this is an interesting list. Let’s see what it tells us about you, shall we?

    * Boneless chicken breasts: you’re too busy, too lazy, or too undomesticated to remove the bones from the chicken breasts yourself. You must be a guy.
    * Imported beer in bottles: you must be doing OK financially. Good for you.
    * No veggies on the list, but Ramen noodles: we’ve already established that you’re not poor, so you must be single.

    Go light on the cheese; you won’t have your metabolism forever.

  4. JinAZ says:

    Seeking my celebrity soulmate, I did a bit more searching…

    My Compatibility with George W. Bush:
    physical: 20%
    Emotional: 11%
    Intellectual: 92%
    …maybe this is revealing a bit too much about my politics, but I find the fact that the only way that I’m compatible with Dubya is intellectually to be rather disturbing.

    Fortunately, Serena Williams and I are perfect for each other:
    phys: 99%
    emo: 99%
    int: 100%

    See you guys. I have to go look up a world class tennis player…

  5. Red Hot Mama says:

    That sounds like the punchline of a joke: "The good news is that you’re compatible with the President of the United States in one major area. The bad news is that it’s intellect."

    Among my best matches, in addition to Dunn, are Hayden Christensen and Shaquille O’Neal. Maybe I’ll make them fight it out for my affections.

  6. redsrbetter says:

    Nope, not single. A newlywed in fact! But great guesses on your part anyhow. And I just love the noodles.

  7. Red Hot Mama says:

    Well, in that case, congratulations!

    Seriously, though, do consider adding some fruits and vegetables to that shopping list. Five servings a day for better health, you know.

  8. JinAZ says:

    I don’t know about Hayden, but Dunn and Shaq are pretty large humans. Might be a good battle. I’d pay to see that. Maybe they can bring back MTV’s claymation wrestling matches……. -j

  9. Red Hot Mama says:

    [em]***Celebrity Death Match: Red Hot Mama Edition***

    Two stars from the world of sports, NBA resident ox Shaquille O’Neal and MLB donkey Adam Dunn team up on diminutive movie star Hayden Christensen in pursuit of the heart of one Red Hot Mama.

    Too late the brutes realize that Christensen is armed with a light saber, an uncanny knoweldge of The Force, and enough bionic implants to choke a wookiee. In this battle, the smart money’s on the little guy.[/em]

    This would be awesome. I’d love to see myself in claymation.