August 12, 2006

Dear Bronson

Hey, Bronson. How's it hanging?

So, yeah, we all know that you haven't been doing so great since just before the All-Star break. You were the first Reds' pitcher to reach nine wins, and you've been trying for number 10 for 10 starts now. Things are definitely not going your way, but I, personally, admire that you're trying to fix it.

You tried to get out of actually pitching in the All-Star game and blew off steam with your friends. Reducing the stress in your life is a good idea (even though it kinda made you look like a slacker ass-hat).

You tried holding out hope that David Ross coming off the DL would make a difference. OK, I guess that one wasn't so proactive, but I can see where you were coming from.

You tried moving up your start just to “shake things up.” Valiant effort. Didn't work, but nice try.

You tried the cornrows. That's just silly superstition, but at least you're not just sitting there feeling sorry for yourself.

But, honey, none of that is worked and we both know the reason why. Enough is enough. Call me.


6 comments to “Dear Bronson”

  1. JinAZ says:

    He might just take you up on this at this point. Guy’s got to be desperate. ‘Course, if he leaves you waiting by the phone for another night, he’ll never win another game. -j

  2. Red Hot Mama says:

    Red Hot Mama: telephone call recipient of only the most desperate baseball players since 2006.

  3. Skeeter says:

    Wow, RHM, I’ve never seen anyone turn XOXO into F-off before! 😉 Skillz, man, skillz.

  4. Red Hot Mama says:

    Why, thanks, Skeeter. But you’ve got me all wrong. I sincerely want to help Bronson clear his karma and get back on track. Ya know, before he pulls the whole team into a quagmire of negative energy.

  5. Zeldink says:


    Giggity giggity giggity!

  6. Skeeter says:

    Well then, in the spirit of getting this team to the playoffs, Bronson, give the woman a call!

    “Shit! Would you believe a double!?” ~ LoL!