Hey, Bronson. How's it hanging?
So, yeah, we all know that you haven't been doing so great since just before the All-Star break. You were the first Reds' pitcher to reach nine wins, and you've been trying for number 10 for 10 starts now. Things are definitely not going your way, but I, personally, admire that you're trying to fix it.
You tried to get out of actually pitching in the All-Star game and blew off steam with your friends. Reducing the stress in your life is a good idea (even though it kinda made you look like a slacker ass-hat).
You tried holding out hope that David Ross coming off the DL would make a difference. OK, I guess that one wasn't so proactive, but I can see where you were coming from.
You tried moving up your start just to “shake things up.” Valiant effort. Didn't work, but nice try.
You tried the cornrows. That's just silly superstition, but at least you're not just sitting there feeling sorry for yourself.
But, honey, none of that is worked and we both know the reason why. Enough is enough. Call me.