Monthly Archives: July 2009

July 31, 2009

Walt Jocketty Breaks Dusty Baker’s Heart

In a move no doubt to help the Cincinnati Reds at their battered catching position, the Reds sent Jerry Hairston, Jr. to the New York Yankees for minor league catcher Chad Weems. With Ramon Hernandez on the DL and Ryan Hanigan day-to-day, this probably had to be done simply to limp to the finish of the season. But it does leave the team even emptier in the outfield.

Plus, you know Dusty Baker had to have a single, solitary tear trail down his cheek. The only way he’d full-out bawl like dealing with Corey Patterson last year would be if golden-child Willy Taveras were traded.

In other, hard-to-deal-with-trade-deadline news, Walt Jocketty acquired his man-crush, Scott Rolen. The Reds had been linked with Rolen for weeks, but I’d kind of hoped it wouldn’t happen. The Reds gave up a lot for an aging, injury prone 3rd basemen: Edwin Encarnación, reliever Josh Roenicke, and pretty good pitching prospect Zach Stewart. Rolen will be a boost in defense over worst 3rd-basemen-I’ve-ever-seen EdE, but the price is steep.

The trade for Rolen has to be for next year. The Reds have zero chance this year. (The only way they have a chance next year is if Baker isn’t the manager. Regardless of off-season acquisitions.) Is the market for competent 3rd basemen really that empty?

We’ll see. Either Jocketty’s gone senile by working on a daily basis with Baker–he did sign Taveras for two years–or he’s simply attempting to rebuild his success with the St. Louis Cardinals. Literally.

July 31, 2009

Androstenedione Side Effects

SILVER SPRING, MD – The FDA this morning released a report containing previously unknown side effects of the drug Androstenedione.

Androstenedione is an anabolic steroid precursor; it is a steroid that does not itself cause muscle growth, but can be converted by the body into such a steroid. Known side effects of the drug included testicular atrophy, impotence, and the development of female characteristics such as breast enlargement.

The newly discovered side effects of the drug include unusually long hair growth, a predisposition to wear corn rows, and tendency to play shitty grunge guitar. Other rare but serious side effects, such as abnormally strong attachments to particular catchers, are still being investigated.

Upon hearing the story, Cincinnati Reds starting pitcher Bronson Arroyo told reporters, “well that explains a lot.”

July 29, 2009

Wild Trade Deadline Speculation

I’ve got reason to believe that the Cardinals can’t wait to get their claws into Paul Janish to turn him into a Cy Young winner. I’d throw in Harang too if they’d just take Dusty off our hands.

In other news, the Nationals are buying.

July 27, 2009

Votto Does What Dusty Should Have Done Yesterday

Joey Votto–sick of being shit on by umpires, opponents, and luck–got himself tossed from the game in the first inning of tonight’s game.

Whether that was an inspirational force for the rest of the team, leading to their offensive actually making an appearance, I’m not in a position to say, but I’m sure as hell sure that Dusty Baker should have been doing the same thing yesterday after that incompetent piece-of-crap call at the plate.

Why aren’t umps fined for bad calls? I’m not saying they should lose a day’s pay if they call a ball a strike, but just something to demonstrate that they have any reason to give a damn. As it is, it seems like they care more about not having players questioning them than about actually getting the right answer.

In other game night news, great performance from Homer Bailey, and a good thing since Micah Owings just went on the DL. And stellar offensive performances from Johnny Gomes and Laynce Nix, which is also good since Owings Chris Dickerson just went on the DL.

Three more games in this series. Can the Padres save Brook Jacoby’s job? Stay tuned.

July 26, 2009

Come Home Redlegs

Despite Aaron Harang realizing that he’s going to have to be the one to get himself some run support and knocking in three with his first career homer on Friday, this has been a painful road trip for the Reds. Right now, down 1-2 to the Cubbies going into the fourth inning, the Reds could be on their way to a sixth loss in a row and a 2-10 record since the All-Star Break.

I know the Reds are a first-half kind of team, but this is ridiculous.

Meanwhile, the Astros, the perennial second-half kind of team, are coming alive late yet again. I was prepared to declare them dead in the water but now they’re just two games back of the Cardinals and only half a game back from the Cubs.

Though, as I mentioned earlier, there’s a decent chance the Cubs will be doing their part to keep that differential at its current size.

The Reds have no offense, which isn’t the end of the world in baseball terms. Everyone knows that pitching wins championships. However, the pitching really does need to be backed up by quality fielding, which is not something the Reds have been bringing lately either. Last time the Reds were suffering from the ailment, Adam Dunn’s chair got moved. What furniture rearrangement is in store for us this time? I hope they re-upholster something.

Myself, I’ve got an appointment for a massage, so I’m going to be the most relaxed Reds fan around while everyone else is wondering what’s wrong with Micah Owings that caused him to leave the game. Doesn’t really matter, though: pitching is the only decent thing this team has, and any strikes against it aren’t good souvenirs to bring back from this brutal road trip.