Daily Archives: August 16, 2005

August 16, 2005

Questions Flush Out Organizational Rage

CINCINNATI, OH -- The day after Reds' Chief Operating Officer John Allen showed irritation over relentless trade rumors about Ken Griffey Jr. going to the White Sox, General Manager Dan O'Brien also loosed a torrent of anger on reporters.

“Look, I've told you a hundred times. We're not planning to trade any of our outfielders at this time,” O'Brien said from the second stall in the men's room near his office. “I also haven't found anyone to take Aurilia or a miracle man with the magic elixir to make the world's most potent offense produce on a regular basis. OK? Now can I have some privacy please?”

Undaunted, one reporter peeked over the wall and asked whether the Reds were going to acquire starting pitching.

“Does this team need pitching?” O'Brien asked sarcastically as he slammed the stall door. “I hadn't noticed.”

“I'll just pull an ace out of my [rear end] then!” O'Brien added as he stormed out of the restroom, toilet paper on his shoe.

No news yet on a similar outburst from Manager Jerry Narron, but several reporters are vigilantly poking him with a stick to see what happens.

“Hey,” said Narron. “Cut it out.”