Daily Archives: June 6, 2005

June 6, 2005

Reds Classifieds

WANT ADS


REDS BEAT WRITER. Accomplished writer needed to ask softball questions and eschew inverted pyramid construction. Copy-edting experiense needed. Call Enquirer.


MANAGER. Strong leader needed to inspire underperforming staff. Must not move furniture. Call John A.



LOST & FOUND


LOST: VIBRATING MASSAGE CHAIR. Needed for “therapy.” REWARD. Call Adam.


LOST: 21 BASEBALLS. Last seen flying over outfield wall. Call Eric.


LOST: BAT. Call Austin.



FOUND: ENORMOUS HR HITTER. Found in Louisville; needs a major league home! Call Bats.

FOR SALE


BIONIC ARM. Runs good but stalls in the 6th. Call Brandon.


51.5% NON-CONTROLLING SHARES High-ceiling, underperforming team. Buy low! Call Louise.



RUMMAGE & YARD SALES


EVERYTHING MUST GO in fire sale. 100 Main St, Cincy. 7/30-7/31. 6 a.m. - midnight.



WANTED TO BUY


SOMETHING TO CHEER ABOUT. Call Gapper.


A CLUE. Call Dave M.



PERSONALS


RHP SEEKS TEAM for walks, hits, and minor cardiac infarction with a clubhouse favorite. Must not boo. No fatties. Call Danny.


STUD STARTER SEEKS OFFENSIVE LINE-UP for a caring friendship and adequate run support. Call Aaron.