June 6, 2005
Reds Classifieds
By
Amanda
Posted at 7:02 pm
WANT ADS
REDS BEAT WRITER. Accomplished writer needed to ask softball questions and eschew inverted pyramid construction. Copy-edting experiense needed. Call Enquirer.
MANAGER. Strong leader needed to inspire underperforming staff. Must not move furniture. Call John A.
REDS BEAT WRITER. Accomplished writer needed to ask softball questions and eschew inverted pyramid construction. Copy-edting experiense needed. Call Enquirer.
MANAGER. Strong leader needed to inspire underperforming staff. Must not move furniture. Call John A.
LOST & FOUND
LOST: VIBRATING MASSAGE CHAIR. Needed for “therapy.” REWARD. Call Adam.
LOST: 21 BASEBALLS. Last seen flying over outfield wall. Call Eric.
LOST: BAT. Call Austin.
FOUND: ENORMOUS HR HITTER. Found in Louisville; needs a major league home! Call Bats.
FOR SALE
BIONIC ARM. Runs good but stalls in the 6th. Call Brandon.
51.5% NON-CONTROLLING SHARES High-ceiling, underperforming team. Buy low! Call Louise.
BIONIC ARM. Runs good but stalls in the 6th. Call Brandon.
51.5% NON-CONTROLLING SHARES High-ceiling, underperforming team. Buy low! Call Louise.
RUMMAGE & YARD SALES
EVERYTHING MUST GO in fire sale. 100 Main St, Cincy. 7/30-7/31. 6 a.m. - midnight.
WANTED TO BUY
SOMETHING TO CHEER ABOUT. Call Gapper.
A CLUE. Call Dave M.
PERSONALS
RHP SEEKS TEAM for walks, hits, and minor cardiac infarction with a clubhouse favorite. Must not boo. No fatties. Call Danny.
STUD STARTER SEEKS OFFENSIVE LINE-UP for a caring friendship and adequate run support. Call Aaron.
I’m so glad you decided to write about the Reds!
Once again, excellent work!
Hilarious!
Oh, that’s funny!