SAN DIEGO, CA -- Adam Dunn, recently lauded as a hero for his efforts to retrieve the ball from Edwin Encarnación's first home run, demonstrated his heroic traits again today during lunch.

“We were having roast chicken and mashed potatoes, but they were really bland,” said teammate Jason LaRue. “I looked around for some salt, but it was all the way at the other end of the table.”

LaRue mentioned the lack of seasoning in passing, but never expected Dunn, whom he was sitting next to, to step up the way he did.

“It was just amazing,” recalled LaRue. “He shouted down for the guys at the other end of the table to pass down the salt, and they did it.”

Dunn downplayed the incident. “I knew how important it was to him, and it was getting kind of late in the meal and you didn't want him to have to finish the potatoes bland.”

“I just called down to the end of the table -- I didn't know who was closest to it, but one of the guys heard me talking about the seasoning and the importance of enjoying your meal and blah, blah, blah. I asked if he could send down the salt and he said yeah, he would do it.”

Dunn also got the pepper.

“I hadn't even asked for it,” said LaRue. “That just shows what a heroic guy he is.”

After a start to the 2005 season marked by high expectations and disappointing returns, laughs were few and far between in the Cincinnati Reds blogosphere.

But on May 14, the timbre of one Reds blog changed when Reds and Blues published its first bit of fake news. The shift can be attributed to the courageous efforts of one man. Today we tell his story. This is Behind the Blog: Joel Luckhaupt.

Though he wasn't the first blogger writing fake news, thanks to his networking connections, Joel immediately enjoyed the highest-profile. His first foray into the arena, New Reds Products on May 14, was widely lauded. It was a triumph of great graphics and snide jabs. Joel was off to a prodigious start.

“Joel's post was hilarious,” said JD Arney of Red Reporter fame. “The Reds really should market those products.”

Soon though, as they often do, growing egos and flaring tempers began to get in the way of success. The first major conflict began over a nickname for a backup catcher.

“I was the first to call him the 'Love Machine,'” Joel said, “I made that name.”

The Red Hot Mama sees it differently. “He called him a rotund Puerto Rican love machine,” explained Mama. “That is so not the same thing. It has no rhythm, no melody, no alliteration. It took me changing it to 'Latin Love Machine' to make it great.”

As time went on, more problems began to crop up. The humor pieces began to grow out of control as the word count skyrocketed. The first few articles were between 500 and 600 words, but the most recent pieces have all been over 1000.

The exponential trend line projects that by the Reds' last game on October 2, Joel's humor articles will be 2500 words long, which will almost qualify him to write for Redleg Nation.

“Brevity is the essence of wit,” said Reds former pitching coach Don Gullet. “Joel has to keep his word count down. He has to learn to write to contact.”

But the words aren't the only problem. The graphics have been falling off as well, as this picture of Adam Dunn as the lead singer of Van Halen demonstrates. Notice how he looks more like The Greatest American Hero than a studly rock star, as was the intention.

Does this look like David Lee Roth to you, or more like…	A bumbling hero wannabe?

“PhotoShop crashed while I was working on it,” Joel said. “The first version looked much better.”

So what's next for the fading humor star that once shone so bright?

“I don't think I have anything to prove,” Joel said. “I've always had what it takes to be an everyday humorist. I'm thinking about going pro, and when I do I will crush and dominate my competition. As long as I don't have to hurt anyone's feelings while I'm doing it.”

His fans wonder whether it is too late for Joel to reclaim his former glory. But no one knows better than baseball fans that the season is long and that anything can happen.

“Certainly he provides a veteran presence among bloggers,” said Reds interim manager Jerry Narron, “His leadership is invaluable even if his stuff isn't what it once was.”

It all starts with the 1-2 of Aaron Harang and the Latin Love Machine, Javier Valentín. Harang (listed at 6' 7″) and Valentín (listed at 5'10″ but realistically more like 5'5″) represent the largest height differential between a pitcher and catcher in baseball history.

OK, I made that up, but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that they're in the top ten. It must be very difficult for an opposing pitcher to switch between such drastically different strike zones when they're next to each other in the line-up. It should have been easier tonight for Pedro Astacio since the two were split by Little Eddie Encarnación (6'1″), but Astacio sure wasn't making it look easy.

The LLM had a big hit in the fifth with a 2-RBI single that brought the Reds' lead to four and followed that up with a solo shot in the ninth to straight away center field. According to Dan Hoard on FSN Ohio, Javy's homer was three feet longer than Adam Dunn's longer shot in yesterday's game. Three feet is approximately the same distance a person could probably toss Javy, if a person were inclined to do such a thing.

Javy wasn't the only one involved in the home run game, though. Sean Casey hit his fifth of the season in the fourth. Yeah, Casey. Didn't see that one coming.

On the scary side of things, Austin Kearns left the game immediately after reaching base on a walk in the fifth with soreness in his hamstring. May he have a speedy return. Ryan Freel came in to pinch run for him and remained in the game, running around like a maniac in right and later in center field. He had probably already gotten kind of dusty while running the bases, but he got himself good and grass-stained by the end of his first play in the outfield. What a pain in the ass it would be to do Pigpen's laundry, huh?

With that win, the Reds not only give themselves their longest winning streak of the season, but also scratched themselves two games out of last place. Tomorrow Eric Milton tries to keep it rolling for the sweep, and I'll post the smack talk that I alluded to yesterday. (It's taking longer than I anticipated to figure out the stats I'll be using, but when it's all said and done, I'll have graphs and everything.)

Go Reds!

Before I go to be -- I mean, go out partying with my wild party girl friends, I'd like to give out a few quick kudos:

• Congrats to the Reds who, after their win and Pittsburgh's loss, are now a whole game out of last place.
• Congrats to Little Eddie on his first major league home run. I'm loving the new hair.
• Congrats to Adam Dunn on his two home runs tonight. And he did it without the benefit of a cutesy nickname from RHM. Impressive.
• Congrats to Luke Hudson who wasn't too bad over five innings and got the win. Good job Love Shackleford, Matt Belisle, and Randy Keisler, too.

And a few quick other things:

• As much as I hate to say it, Randa actually looks pretty good in blue.
• I'm not an anti-Aurilite, but sometimes I just wish he wouldn't open his mouth. Rich, honey, don't do this. Your words can alienate your team and fans, but they can't make demand for your services materialize out of thin air.
• It's been over two weeks since I've gotten to do any smack talking, and the Reds don't play the Cardinals again until the middle of September. But I think I've come up with a new, totally unexpected target for my smack. Tune in tomorrow to see if I go through with it.

Great game tonight. I look forward to seeing more tomorrow. If I've recovered from my partying, that is.

Go Reds!

After two series splits, I'm feeling the zen. Let's enjoy some Reds haikus:

The catcher throws wide
The delivery so slow
Freel has stolen five

Since the All-Star Break
Reds win nine in fourteen tries
What is going on?

Congratulations to Ryan Freel for taking the Reds' record for steals in a single game, with five in the game tonight. And, on a personal note, I'd like to say a special thanks to Freel for helping out the fantasy team: steals was a close category for me this week.

Also, a shout-out to Jacob Cruz for the two-run pinch-hit home run in the seventh. He must have been feeling the love I sent his way on Monday. Albeit on a slight delay.

Sweet dreams, everyone. Tomorrow's game starts at a decent hour for a change.

Go Reds!

We had a good game tonight. If we hadn't allowed the run in the fifth, we would have had our first mercy killing since…ever. But that almost would have been a shame, since we got to pad our stats a little with that sixth.

When we arrived at the field, our opponents were waiting. We never knew their team name, but they were all wearing tie-dye, so I've dubbed them the Tie-Dye Guys.

Even though the TDGs were in full-effect, the Stars were not. Matt and Mark were absent, Joe and Jerry weren't around, Little Robert couldn't be there, and Bobbi was nowhere to be seen. As we warmed up, we were looking at a line-up of three athletes and three partners: pretty scary. Bobbi rolled up at the very last minute to spare me pitching and we borrowed three outfielders (Mike, Dar, and Doug) from the Cardinals, who were preparing to play the TDGs right after us. The game was underway.

No one is on the bench to keep score when we're in the field, but even just the plays in our half of the inning would be too numerous to wrap here. I'll just hit some highlights:

• We definitely remember turning two double plays, and there might have been a third. Not a single one of Jon's throws went over Abe's head (though he did hit a foul ball that disappeared into the soybean field, never to be seen again).
• Our infield had an excellent fielding night. Jon, Matt, and Abe each caught at least one in the air, which is a pretty big deal for us. Even Robert threw someone out at second. Our outfield got very little action, but I did field the first hit of the game to hold the runner at first.
• Two of my hits left the infield with authority. w00t!

With that win, we expect to be completely and totally overmatched in the bracket we draw in the state tournament. Next week we play again at the fancy field in Indianapolis. As long as we're already going to be out of our league in the tourney, we might as well just keep it rolling.

Go Stars!

Tonight's game did not move as quickly as last night's game, but it was less painful to watch and significantly less painful to listen to. Dan Hoard was the one filling in for George tonight, and he did a perfectly adequate job.

The big pre-game news was that Sean Casey hit fifth. And here I thought he was a lock hitting third. Also, Adam Dunn and Felipe Lopez are not playing.

Wait, Casey's hitting fifth but Dunn and Lopez are sitting? Who the hell *is* hitting third? Oh: Griffey. I guess that makes sense.

Austin Kearns got the first hit of the game with a double in the top of the second. Casey then proceeded to double the previous evening's hit total but be thrown out at second. Perhaps Casey should go on the program, too. The Dodgers tied it right back up in the bottom of the second when Jason Phillips scored on Jason Repko's single to center.

However, Eric Milton would take back the lead in the top of the third when he led off the inning with a home run to right field. Milton held the Dodgers through the bottom of the third but gave up a solo shot to Jeff Kent to lead off the bottom of the fourth.

In the top of the fifth, I would see Jason LaRue single, Milton bunt him over, and Ryan Freel ground out before a storm would blow in and take out our satellite signal. Already exhausted from the late game last night, I lacked the concentration to stay awake without the idiot box to keep me in the game.

So I went to bed. Or rather, I'm going to bed now. According to the GameDay, the Reds are up 2-3 in the top of the seventh. Hang in there guys. Keep it rolling. I'd like to see some painless news in the morning.

UPDATE 6:04 a.m. EST: Well, that sucks.

BOWLING GREEN, OH -- Wins, a pitching number widely derided by baseball statistic aficionados, has suddenly soared to the pinnacle of referential reverence thanks to the work of a local college student.

“I discovered it by accident,” explained Brian I. Ack, a graduate student of mathematics at Bowling Green University and the president of the student chapter of the Calculation Lovers Uber-Brotherhood (CLUB). “I was analyzing the impact of pitchers' win shares divided by their opponents batting average on the team's record. That's when I noticed the trend.”

The trend was between a pitching staff's number of wins and the team's standing in its division.

“It's a shocking 100% correlation,” said Ack. “The team whose pitching staff accumulates the most wins takes its division every time.”

“Such high predictive accuracy is unheard of,” Ack continued.

Ack's discovery has sent a shock wave through the CLUB, and more discoveries appear to be just around the corner.

“My roommate and I recently had another breakthrough that I think will be just as powerful,” Ack said. “It turns out that if you look at OBP -- without adding anything to it or anything -- that you can determine how often a player reaches base.”

Ack plans to publish his findings in The Diamond Angle Baseball Magazine, on his weblog, and in haughty-sounding posts on baseball message boards across the Internet.

I'm sure I won't feel this way tomorrow at 5 a.m. when the alarm goes off, but for now a good night game on the west coast is sort of fun, like camping out. I feel like I should build a fire in my family room and roast marshmallows. Of course, as hot as it is, I could just stick them out the window. That would probably be easier on the hardwood floors.

Line-up Construction
Mr. Lancaster quotes Jerry Narron to the effect that the construction of the line-up really doesn't matter too much over the course of a season. That seems reasonable enough in general and especially with regards to number of plate appearances, but I think that Casey may be a special case. No matter where he's hitting, it seems to make sense to me to bat someone before him who is not as likely to end up on first base by way of singles or walks, for example.

I really like Dunn near the top of the order, but if Casey is an absolute lock batting third, which he seems to be, Dunn shouldn't be hitting second. Maybe Wily Mo Peña should hit before Casey; he almost never singles or walks.

Kearns Looking Good
Chris Welch interviewed Austin Kearns for the pre-game show. Kearns looked really uncomfortable with the attention, but what a great attitude on that kid. It's hard to believe the difference in Kearns since he went down. Kudos to him. I can only imagine how much that whole ordeal must have sucked, and I'm impressed with Kearns' character.

Plus, just when you thought he couldn't look a bit better doing that thing where he adjusts his battling gloves with his teeth, he goes and drops 15 pounds and proves you totally wrong. Plus, now he can run like the wind!

Quote of the Evening
It was a tough contest, what with all the conversation about pounding Dodger Dogs, but the Quote of the Evening was delivered by Chris Welch in the first inning:
“I know that Jerry Narron likes Dunn in the number-two hole.”

Jim Day and George Grande
Jim Day is pinch hitting for George Grande tonight because George is dealing with an important family issue. I certainly make my share of fun of George during each game, but I do hope everything's OK. He told us earlier this season that his mother just turned 99, so certainly that's a concern.

Jim Day is a dorky and amusing fellow to have contributing to the pre-game, and I usually enjoy his segments, but I'm so glad he doesn't call every game. It feels like he never, ever stops talking. I find myself unconsciously taking extra breaths on his behalf to try to break up the constant stream of trivia. I never thought I could enjoy actual physical relief when Chris Welch started talking. Plus, he relentlessly called Jason Phillips “Spaz.”

The Game Proper
When the hell did Derek Lowe get so freaking effective? The Reds were only able to muster a single hit against him. It was an ugly time. Steve Schmoll took over in the ninth to knock off Ray Olmedo, Jacob Cruz, and Felipe Lopez, all hitting left-handed, and finish out the 4-0 defeat of the Reds.

On the other side of the coin, Harang didn't have the best of nights. He gave up four runs over the course of six innings. Jason Standridge relieved him in the seventh, putting away that inning nicely, but allowing the first two batters in the bottom of the eighth before Little Eddie Encarnación started a lovely double play. Brian “Love” Shackleford took over with two outs and two on in the eighth and finished the inning with one pitch.

The evening's action revolved around Rich Aurilia. Not only did he get the one hit, but by my count he was also involved in eight of the Reds 24 outs. That seems like a lot to me. Of course, that's one fewer than it would have been if he hadn't collided with Austin Kearns on a fly ball in the sixth, an interaction that ended with neither catching the ball.

But the mighty Aurilia was not remotely enough to win this first game of the series. There are three more chances to beat the Dodgers before the Reds continue along the coast to face Joe Randa and the Padres. Here's hoping they can light that fire before then.