June 1, 2005

Reds Stand Up to Sit for Aurilia

HOUSTON, TX -- Rich Aurilia might not be starting in the field, but he does have an imporant job ahead of him.

When Aurilia came off the disabled list to find his starting position gone, he was less-than-thrilled. To make it up to him, some Reds offered their own infield playing time.

“He's more comfortable on the left side, so it makes sense for me to sit [so Aurilia can play third base],” said Joe Randa. “I'll be traded in a month anyway, so I might as well stop diluting my early numbers and rest up for my chance to play on a team in contention.”

Ryan Freel also volunteered to yield to Aurilia. “Rich can't be expected to play just anywhere,” said Freel. “No one should have to play at different positions than what they're used to. That's just asking too much.”

Felipe Lopez, who's been on an offensive tear since even before Aurilia pulled the hamstring that sent him to the DL, was also quick to offer up his job. “They made me move over [to second base] for him, so I know how hard it is,” said Lopez. “But I came out of it a better ballplayer. Maybe time on the bench will help me even more.”

“Plus, now that he's got that Segway thing, he's almost as fast as me,” Lopez added.

Despite the acquiescence from Randa, Freel and Lopez, Manager Dave Miley had other plans for Aurilia.

“Even though we only signed him to a minor league contract, Rich has proven himself and demonstrated the intangibles that are so important from your veteran leadership,” said Miley. “That's why he'll be filling the role of manager for today's game and going into the Colorado series.”

General Manager Dan O'Brien agreed with the decision. “Aurilia demonstrated his head for baseball when he refused to go on a rehab assignment for more than one day,” said O'Brien. “That's exactly the kind of executive decisions that we like to see our players making about themselves and each other.”

“Maybe next week I'll give him my job,” joked O'Brien.

6 comments to “Reds Stand Up to Sit for Aurilia”

  1. Dr. Johnson says:

    What a great post! You nailed it again. You just showed how disfunctional the Reds managment really is. O’Brain was a loser in Texas and he his still a LOSER!
    Has anybody wondered why as soon as O’Brain left Texas they when form last place to a team that could win the division?
    Well…is it Castro or not? What about Kearns golden locks? Should they go?

  2. Red Hot Mama says:

    Hey, Doc,
    I’m glad you liked it, though I’m not actually likely to say the Reds management is dysfunctional. (Mystifying sometimes, certainly, but not dysfunctional.) I’m still hopeful that they’ll discover RHM and offer me a job, and five years in corporate America has left me skilled in the art of kissing up. Have you noticed how young Mr. O’Brien is looking lately, by the way?

    RE Kearns’ "golden locks," they’re not golden. Sandy, maybe, but certainly not golden. Dunn, on the other hand, you may call golden-headed if you’re so inclined.

  3. Joel says:

    Hey, nice segway reference! Do you think that if we keep referencing each other’s fake stories that we can create an alternate reality where the Reds are good and everything is happy? Dare to dream…dare to dream.

  4. Red Hot Mama says:

    Hi, Joel,
    Well, it’s looking likely that I’m going to do it again this very night, so maybe that dream will be realized sooner than later.

    Not to pick nits, but I might point out that I have referenced your stories; "we" have not referenced "each other’s" fake news.

    Just sayin’.

  5. Joel says:

    I HAVE referenced your stories, just thru word of mouth. The internet isn’t the only form of communication.

    I promise, my next story will reference the hell out of you…better watch out, you might even be quoted.

  6. Red Hot Mama says:

    Oh, man, now I’ve done it. Now all hell is gonna break…

    Wait, wait, hold on just a minute there mister. I don’t understand: the internet [b]isn’t[/b] the only form of communication?